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29 Athletes Who Absolutely Hated the Rules

By:: Cracked Writers; Brian C. Miller

August 27, 2023

29 Athletes Who Absolutely Hated the Rules

Cheaters, liars and honest mistakes — sometimes athletes have a “creative” understanding of the rules. In video-game lingo, the actions in the gray area have the equally gray name “creative use of game mechanics” attached to them. That sort of handwaving of the action in question really doesn’t hold up when it comes to sports, though. Sometimes, a player can get away with it, but other times they suffer harsh penalties and suspensions. Especially when there’s a lot of punching and hitting, and not in the context where they’re being paid for it.

Here are some of the wildest times athletes and the governing bodies of their sports haven’t seen eye-to-eye…

29

Chris Simon 65 GAMES TOTAL 17 CRACKED.COM This guy was the real-life Happy Gilmore. He was once suspended for taking a baseball swing at Ryan Hollweg's face, and another time for stomping Jarkko Ruutu's leg with his skate. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

28

The dirtiest race in history CRACKED.COM 6 of 8 finalists from a 1988 record-breaking 00-meter race would later go down for doping. Most notably, the winner, Ben Johnson, was doped up in that very race. Ironically, upon receiving his medal, he said this world record will last 50 years, maybe 100. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

27

Art Folz LIFETIME BAN CRACKED.COM In 1925, he supposedly tricked a local high school football team into playing against the Chicago Cardinals, in order to beef up their record to make the 1925 NFL Championship. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

26

The Whizzinator CRACKED.COM When airport security flagged Vikings running back Onterrio Smith for a tube of toothpaste, they found something much weirder: a prosthetic penis and dried urine. He tried to say it was a gift for his cousin; a dubious claim, considering he already had two failed drug tests under his belt. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

25

Myles Garrett THE REST OF THE SEASON 2 CRACKED.COM In 2019, Garrett was suspended indefinitely though he returned to the field the next season - - for taking off the opposing quarterback's helmet and bludgeoning him with it. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

24

The racehorse who mysteriously runs faster in the fog CRACKED.COM In 1990, a horse with 23-1 odds of winning mysteriously beat the field, without breaking a sweat or dirtying its bandages. It was found that Sylvester Carmouche had simply chilled out in the fog for a lap or two, before jumping back into the race at the very end. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

23

Adam Jones 1 SEASON CRACKED.COM Jones missed a whole season because of one really bad night at a strip club in 2007: he allegedly attacked a dancer and threatened a security guard. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

22

Bloodgate CRACKED.COM Due to some weird rugby rule that we won't pretend to understand, a UK team had to figure out a sneaky way to get their best kicker back on the field. Tom Williams pretended to be injured the only way to trigger the needed substitution -- by chomping a blood capsule and feigning a head injury. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

21

Plaxico Burress UNTIL HE LEARNED HIS LESSON GRACKED.COM Burress, famously, shot himself in the leg when he brought a gun to a nightclub, nestled securely in his wasteband. He spent 2 years in jail, and was... somewhat performatively banned by the NFL during that time. He got right back to work after he got out. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

20

A marathoner took the subway to the finish line CRACKED.COM After Roise Ruiz barely broke a sweat in her impressive Boston Marathon win, she was found to have simply skipped most of the race. Upon closer inspection, they figured out that she'd also taken the subway to the finish line in NYC - and only got a spot in that race by claiming to have a fatal brain tumor. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

19

Luis Suarez 1 YEAR CRACKED.COM Suarez is probably the only professional athlete with 3 distinct biting incidents on his Wikipedia page. His 3rd bite was his magnum opus: on an internationaly televised World Cup game, he chomped the shoulder of his opponent Giorgio Chiellini, then fell to the ground holding his face. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

18

Spain's fraudulent Paralympics team CRACKED.COM A few years after winning gold in the 2000 Paralympics, basketball player Carlos Ribagorda returned his gold medal and came clean: Spain had filled out their roster with athletes who had no handicaps whatsoever, going full The Ringer and ostensibly faking the mental handicaps they claimed to have. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

17

Viktor Troicki 18 MONTHS prin CRACKED.co By all accounts, the tennis pro just forgot to provide a blood sample to the Monte-Carle Masters tournament, and was hit with the year-and-a-half ban. He had no prior history of doping, or avoiding doping tests. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

16

Boris Onischenko invented an ge-defying epee CRACKED.COM The Soviet fencer had a legendary career as a pentathelete, but he resorted to some Rube Goldberg-esque tactics to maintain an edge as he aged. He was found to have rigged his fencing sword with an electronic mechanism that would trick the system into awarding him a point on command. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

15

Latrell Sprewell 68 GAMES BA RANK MUNTS 1ST TS 9TH STLS 5TH CRACKED.COM Sprewell was benched after choking out his coach, being sent to the locker ROOM, and then coming back to punch him one last time. The Warriors, understandably, tried to fire him, but he somehow won an arbitration battle. All the team could do was trade him off to the Knicks. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

14

The Hand of God CRACKED.COM Soccer player Diego Maradona scored on a deliberate hand ball in the 1986 World Cup, but the refs didn't notice, SO the goal counted. Maradona himself dubbed it the Hand of God, and contends that it's not technically cheating. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

13

Guillermo Mota 100 GAMES CRACKED.COM Motal was the first MLB player hit with a mandatory minimum 100-game ban for doping. His agent said the substance detected was really just children's cough medicine... which might have been believable, had this not been his second offense. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

12

The Saints handed out injury-based bonuses CRACKED.COM From 2009 to 2011, defensive coordinator Gregg Williams set up a scheme that incentivised his players to injure their opponents. Williams was booted from the NFL indefinitely, but head coach Sean Peyton was merely suspended for a season. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

11

Billy Coutu LIFETIME BAN CRACKED.COM In the middle of the 1927 Stanley Cup Finals, Coutu's coach allegedly told him to go start a fight. The Wild Beaver artfully orchestrated the brawl by... beating the sh* out of two referees. He's still the only NHL player ever banned from the league for life. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

10

The FBI outed an NBA referee CRACKED.COM Referee Tim Donaghy apparently got in deep with some mobsters, and was trying to pay off his debts by betting on the games he was officiating. The NBA didn't even notice - the FBI caught on while investigating said mobsters, and told commissioner David Stern come get your boy. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

9

The Black Sox LIFETIME BAN ALL PHOTOS EDDIE CICOTTE FRED CLAUDE WILLIAMS MCMULLIN RISBERG BUCK WEAVER EIGHT MEN CHARGED WITH SELLING OUT BASER CRACKED CON Eight players on the 1919 Chicago White Sox were cleverly dubbed The Black Sox after it was alleged they were paid to take a dive in the World Series. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

8

Lester Hayes cosplayed as the Swamp Thing CRACKED.COM NFL players used to put a bit of Stickum -- an adhesive goop - on their hands to increase friction. Hayes noticed there was no rule against slathering his entire body in the stuff, and did just that for a few years. In 1981, the league finally enacted the Lester Hayes Rule: no Stickum. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

7

Merle Hapes LIFETIME BAN CRACKED.COM In 1946, the Mayor of New York confronted two Giants players about a bribery scheme to throw the NFL Championship Game. Neither Hapes nor teammate Frank Filchock actually took a bribe, but Hapes made the mistake of admitting that it was offered. For his honesty, he was banned from the league for life. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

6

Panama Lewis and his little black bottle CRACKED.COM In a 1982 bout, boxer Aaron Pryor was getting ass kicked for several rounds, before his trainer, Panama Lewis, had him chug from a mysterious tincture. Some say it was a legal antihistamine, but others claim it was cocaine or even ammonia. Whatever was in there, it completely reinvigorated Prior, who miraculously came back to win the fight. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

5

Marty McSorley THE REST OF THE SEASON CRACKED.COM In 2000, McSorley whapped an opponent in the head from behind, causing a severe concussion, and was later found guilty of assault with a weapon. He wasn't the first player to go to court for in-game violence, but the last time it happened, in 1988, the NHL didn't find it necessary to actually suspend the guy on trial. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

4

The phantom goalie CRACKED.COM A Brazilian urth-division soccer club was caught sending their masseur onto the field to plug up the goal during a crucial late-match play. He actually made two impressive saves to maintain a tie game! — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

3

Mariano Puerta 8 YEARS CRACKED.COM After his runner-up finish at the 2005 French Open, Puerta tested positive for a heart stimulant. He says it was his wife's heart stimulant, which he'd clumsily slurped down when he reused her glass. To his credit, the amount detected was too small to have any effect on his performance, so his ban was shortened to 2 years. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

2

Whitey Ford and his miraculous Gunk Balls CRACKED.COM The Yankee pitcher started gooping up the ball with mud, and later with a signature gunk made of baby oil, turpentine, and resin. But he says he only did it later in his career: I didn't cheat in 1963 when I won twenty-fou games. Well, maybe a little. — Source: 15 Of The Most Brazen Attempts At Cheating In Professional And Amateur Sports

1

Eric Cantona 8 MONTHS new CRACKED.COM He was nearly jailed for a well-executed kung-fu kick to a heckler as he was being ejected from a game, but wound up with 120 hours of community service instead. In a presser after the game, he explained his actions by saying When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown in the sea. Thank you very much. — Source: 15 Of The Longest, Oddest, And Most Deserved Suspensions In Sports History

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