14 Of The Most Badass Nuns In History
Get thee to a nunnery!
![14 Of The Most Badass Nuns In History](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/1/9/6/780196_320x180.jpg)
Joining a convent isn't all incense and meditation. It turns out, you have to be pretty gosh darn hardcore to marry God:
![The nun who advised Popes, studied female sexuality CRACKED.COM Hildegard of Bingen was... more or less donated to a nunnery by her rich family when she was a kid. She became the head of the convent, advised multiple Popes, and had some thoughts about sex: when the seed has fallen into its place, that vehement heat descending from her brain draws the seed to itself and holds it... in the same way as a strong man can hold something enclosed in his fist.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/1/1/780211.jpg)
![The only nuns allowed to learn kung fu CRACKED.COM Nuns are generally prohibited from violence, but Druk Amitabha Mountain nunnery has a distinct focus on treating men and women as equals. As such, otherwise gendered chores - and, uh, martial arts - are shared equally.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/7/780207.jpg)
Source: NPR
![The nuns who grow medical marijuana CRACKED.COM The Sisters of the Valley is a small California monastery that has made as much as $1 million per year selling their healing tinctures on Etsy.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/5/780205.jpg)
Source: BBC
![The nun who defeated Elvis CRACKED.COM Sister uc-Gabriel, AKA The Singing Nun, came out with her hit song Dominique in 1963, dethroning Elvis as the best-selling artist on the Billboard Hot 100. She ultimately left her convent to write more music (and live with her girlfriend).](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/1/2/780212.jpg)
![The nun who runs a brewery out of her convent CRACKED.COM Sister Doris Engelhard had always wanted to become a nun, but she made a pitstop at master brewer before joining Mallersdorf Abbey. She had to have a trade to offer before taking her VOWS, and figured sippin' suds was more fun than basket weaving or whatever.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/2/780202.jpg)
Source: Neatorama
![The Buddhist nun who spent 21 years in a Chinese prison CRACKED.COM At 17, Ani Pachen escaped from an arranged marriage, opting to join, and ultimately lead, a badass bellicose convent instead. She was tortured and imprisoned for 21 years, and upon her release, walked to Nepal to escape further persecution.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/8/780208.jpg)
![The nun who killed two dudes, for art CRACKED.COM When Emperor Leo III ordered Theodosia of Constantinople to remove her Jesus painting, she responded by murdering two of his cops. She knocked one off a ladder, and pounded the other with a rock. She was put to death by having her throat gouged with a ram's horn. But she's a saint now, so, worth it?](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/1/780201.jpg)
Source: 5 Nuns Who Could Kick Your Ass
![The nun who came back from the dead CRACKED.COM Christina The Astonishing was sainted while she was still alive - a rare feat. She also managed to die while she was still alive. She suffered a seizure at 21, but popped out of her coffin when they were about to bury her. She spent the next 50 years doing weird sh like walking into fire and being voluntarily pummelled by mill wheels.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/0/780200.jpg)
![The nun who got permission to go to work in drag CRACKED.COM Catalina de Erauso says in her autobiography that she hustled, killed, maimed, and wreaked havoc throughout her formative years. She later kicked some ass in the army, passing for a man the whole time. When she returned, the friggin' Pope gave her the okay to continue nunning, dressed as a man.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/1/0/780210.jpg)
Source: 5 Nuns Who Could Kick Your Ass
![The nuns who break up human trafficking rings as them DATE many CRACKED.COM Talitha Kum is a secret army of habit-wearing Liam Neesons who infiltrate brothels and take them down from the inside. According to their spokeswoman, These sisters do not trust anyone. They do not trust governments, they do not trust corporations, and they don't trust the local police.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/4/780204.jpg)
Source: NY Times
![The nun who said nope to the Pope CRACKED.COM When Pope Urban IV said he wanted to build a church at the site of his dad's old shoe shop, local nun Odette de Pougy wasn't having it. The location belonged to her nunnery, and she violently protected the spot with armed thugs until she died.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/6/780206.jpg)
Source: 5 Nuns Who Could Kick Your Ass
![The nun who holds an Ironman record CRACKED.COM Sister Madonna Buder started doing Ironman competitions - hardcore, distance triathalons at age 55. She now holds the record for the fastest finishing time in the 80-84-year-old age range, and for the oldest person to complete the competition.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/9/780209.jpg)
Source: People
![The nuns who breached a nuclear facility CRACKED.COM In 1990, Carol Gilbert, Ardeth Platte and Jackie Hudson broke into a Michigan nuclear silo to protest the war in Afghanistan. They pounded some sh with hammers, and graffiti'd crosses all over the place using baby bottles filled with their own blood.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/2/0/3/780203.jpg)
Source: 5 Nuns Who Could Kick Your Ass
![The nun who ate lapis lazuli, for art CRACKED.COM Archaeologists found an exorbitant amount of lapis lazuli, an extremely rare and expensive rock in the 12th century, in the mouth of a nun they unearthed. She was likely ingesting the precious mineral when she licked the paintbrush she used to decorate religious tomes.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/1/9/9/780199.jpg)