15 Epitaphs That (Ahem) Killed It

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15 Epitaphs That (Ahem) Killed It

Look, this is a comedy website. We're not trying to bum you out or make you contemplate mortality. But breathing you last breath, heading off into that great unknown—it's coming for all of us. That is, unless you can commune with the Force strongly enough to become a blue ghost or perhaps beat the Grim Reaper at series of board games.. Anyway, unless you can do those things, it's best to maybe have a sense of humor as you go out, or think of some sort of badass capstone to your life. That's what epitaphs are for.

Epitaphs are kind of like last words, but the stakes are so much higher. People can forgive a deathbed “owie!” where you meant to deliver one last zinger to your disappointing little brother. But you have literally the rest of your life to plan your epitaph, so it'd better be good.

Luckily, these dearly departed did not disappoint:

Rodney Dangerfield 1921 - 2004 RODNEY DANGERFIELD TISERE GUS HE NEKHBORHOOES CRACKED cO The (self-reported) least-respected man in showbiz left his fa

Robert Clay Allison 1841 -1887 ROBERT CLAY ALLISON 1840 1887 HE NVER KILLED A man THAT DID nOT NEED KuLING CRACKED CO The prolific gunslinger survived

Shakespeare 1564 -1616 GOOD jesvs FREND FOR SAKE FORBEARE. TO DICC HE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE. BLESE BE MAN SPARES HES STONES AND CVRST BE HE MOVES MY BO

Leslie Nielsen 1926 -2010 Leslie Nielsen Feb 11. 1926 - Nov 28, 2010 Let 'er rip CRACKED CON: Nielsen promised in a 1996 interview that his epitaph

Bette Davis 1908 - 1989 DAVIS BARBAR E 16I OCICES BETTE DAVIS APRL nod OCTOBER 18 The did il the had ay A director once told the prolific actress that

Merv Griffin 1925 - 2007 MERV GRIFFIN IM NG E icI ck AlLER ifis MSSAGF LIY CRACKED COM The outrageously prolific TV host reportedly narrowed it down t

Dee Dee Ramone 1951 -2002 DEE DEE RAMONE O.K...1 Kotta go now. CRACKED CON Wearing your own band's shirt my be punk rock faux pas, but putting your ow

George Spencer Millet OFFICE BOY KILLED RUNNING FROM KISS LOST LIFE BY SVAB N FALLINC ON INK ERASER, ETADING SIX YOUNG YOMEN STPYIING T0 GAVE HIIM BIR

Jack Lemmon 1925 - 2001 JACK LEMMON The Oscar-winning actor wanted his gravestone to read like the intro credits to his final work: JACK LEMMON in

Mel Blanc 1908 -1989 THAT'S ALL FOLKS MEL BLANC MAN OF 1000 VOICES BELOVED HUSBAND ACRACKED ONM The MAN OF 1000 VOICES brought some of the most ico

Ed Wynn 1886 - 1966 DEAR GOD: THANKS eolo NOY 9, 1886 CRACKED cO The perennial Disney goofball left his permanent mark with a hand-signed note to the

Michael Leroy Luther e un1 CRACKED C The US Air Force sargeant's sister had this life-size arcade cabinet engraved to look like the Pac-Man GAME OVER

Robert Frost 1874 - 1963 ROBERT LEE IRoI 61874 TAN tr MR OSEXET wtsm I1S WHL MIRIAM WIIT FLINOR MAR Z5 15733 0.193 oot IO WING TOTCR MARJORIE FROST TR

Jesse James 1847 -1882 CRACKEDCON James was shot in the back of the head by trusted gang member Robert Ford. James' mother wrote his epitaph: Murdere

Popcorn Sutton 1946 - 2009 CRACKED CON The old Tennessee moonshiner committed suicide rather than report to jail when he was finally busted. He'd been
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