23 Extremely Dumb Near-Death Experiences

23 Extremely Dumb Near-Death Experiences

Who amongst us hasn’t gravely mistimed a jaywalking and almost wound up as roadkill? Or let a stream of water get precariously close to an electric outlet while washing the dishes? And, of course, there are the very real dangers of cross-contamination for those with severe food allergies that make eating out a game of psychological Minesweeper

Near-death experiences happen every day, and although some may look like a scene right out of Final Destination, most are a lot less exciting and, quite frankly, dumb as hell

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The Redditors below certainly saw their lives flash before their eyes in the stupidest ways possible. Luckily, none of them ended up on 1,000 Ways to Die — instead, they ended up in a subreddit poking fun of themselves with their silly little stories...

 1y ... A boat ran over my head in a lake once. I saw the propeller go right past my face. 3.3k Reply

 1y ... As a kid I swallowed about 15 pennies because I was acting like a piggy bank. 3.3k Reply

 8y ... Playing on the playground (as a 20-year old man, mind you) and climbing through various jungle gyms in unintended fashions (trying to see who could squeeze through the smallest hole). Squeeze my body through a rung on a ladder a few meters off the ground, manage to get my entire body out but my head stuck, entire weight of my body pulling me down and almost broke my neck (friends grabbed my ass and hosted me back up to avoid such a fate). 661 Reply

SIYR_Pheonix . . 8y Almost choked on a spaghetti noodle once. It didn't go all the way down my throat, with one end still in my mouth, so I ended up having to pull it back out. There's very little that feels the way it feels to pull a noodle back up your throat. eugh even thinking about it makes me feel weird.

JessJHA . 8y Decided to open walnuts with a live shotgun shell. ... 1.2k

hamcorsage 8y I was eating a mozzarella stick and swallowed too soon, so half the stick went down my throat while the other stayed in my mouth. The two pieces were connected by that fucking cheese, and I choked and gagged on it until I could breathe again. Really put a damper on my Chuck E Cheese visit. ... 476

SamCropper. 8y Sliding down the Swiss alps on a tea tray from the Cafe at the top of the mountain. I rolled off just in time to see the tray slide under the plastic 'safety' mesh and fly off the edge that I hadn't previously seen. I got dared to do it by a family member. ... 403

baked_potato_.. 8y a friend in high school got pissed off at me and removed all the lugnuts from one of the tires of my ford explorer. i drove for about an hour and a half, including highways before the tire started to come off. ... 567

ErisEnnaye89 . 1 1y sigh almost by...choking on a hot dog... ... 92

sa60 1y I almost blew up the apartment while i was in it. One day in 6th grade i had left the gas stove on by accident. When i came home from school the whole apartment smelt like gas(I didn't know what gas smelled like then). So i come home and i go to my mother's stash for cigarettes so i can smoke one and i notice that the windows are wet. They were drooling with liquified gas. But I didn't make anything out of it so i took the cigarette and just when i was about to light it

nyquist512 . 1y Swallowed a grape whole. Did the throw it up in the air thing and it got perfectly lodged and I immediately stopped breathing. Absolutely terrifying, after a hot minute of my life flashing before my eyes, I was able to calm myself and it moved down slightly so I could shallow breathe just over the top of it, but every time I tried to swallow it would move and I'd stop breathing again. I was rushed to the ER and had emergency surgery to have it removed. Got asked about three times why I didn't just chew

retromortem . 1y Choking on a life saver ... 278

santichrist . 1y I've almost died in stupid ways so many times I was once chewing on the plastic cap to a pen when I coughed out of nowhere and it almost got lodged in my throat

KnightfallMelodic • . 1y Little me swallowed all my uncles diabetic medication thinking it was candy ... 648

Wizdad-1000 . 1y Stepping on a unsecured plank on a scaffold 10 stories up. When I stepped off of it. It teetered like a see saw. I damn near wet myself grabbing it so it wouldn't tip over and fall. (10' 2 plank would've been my end in construction if it fell or my life.) my boss was just pulling it into position and I misunderstood his instruction. Fuck me that was scary moment. ... 192

LIVE Akominatos . 1y Jogging, came across a downed tree branch and some electrical cables, hopped over them casually and then was informed by the nice neighbor on their porch that I had jumped over some very live power lines that would have fried me quite well. ... 748

chicken-bean 1y Got out of my truck to close the gate. Luckily heard the vehicle rolling back towards me because I failed to put the gearshift all the way into park and it popped into reverse. The door was open and it would have pinned me against the metal gate post. It still creeps me out 15 years later

greenappletree. 1y Cut a cable while it was still plugged in - entire arm was shaking.

-CoreyJ- . 1y My bedroom was in a camper stored in a garage. It was freezing out so I turned on the propane heat. I was meditating and everything went black. The best way I can describe it is I was in a nothing place and there was no direction, no down or up or back or forth. For years I thought what I experienced was the results of mediation, but then I stumbled across a reddit post where someone described almost dying of carbon monoxide poisoning from a propane heater, and they used that same nothingness description and I

PirateKing802 . 1 1y A full grown tree flying towards me during a cyclone ... 744

PeripheralVisionMan 1y I was drying off after taking a shower. For some reason I was using a Christmas themed towel that had been around a few years and had some loose threads throughout. I was drying off my face and I guess I inhaled through my mouth and one of the threads wrapped itself around my uvula. I just gagged on it and was able to very slowly pull it out, but it took a few seconds and I was starting to get dizzy. When it came out I was left with a very sore throat and was gasping for

salem7753 . 1y When I was a kid (maybe 4yo) , the first time I won against my grandma in UNO I was so happy, I ran into the house screaming I WON! (we played in the yard) - little me wasnt able to stop fast enough so I slammed right into a wooden frame-door with a big glass window. My whole face was cut open (luckily everything healed, all I am missing is a small piece of my nosetip and its not even visible if you dont know where to look) - The glass shattered in a star-shape around my head and one of the

mylovelyladysocks . . 8y I almost drowned as a little kid on a field trip to some local pools. I didn't know how to swim and didn't realize you can't breathe underwater. ... 1.3k
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