22 of the Funniest Things Students Have Said to Teachers

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22 of the Funniest Things Students Have Said to Teachers

The child you know at home and the child you send off to school are often two completely different people. Your mild-mannered daughter at the dinner table can be practicing her stand-up act during seventh period algebra and you’d be none the wiser. Thanks to these teachers of Reddit, though, some parents might get a clue that their child is a future comedian. 

Now, some of the things kids utter are unintentionally hilarious and born out of sheer youthful ignorance or a misunderstanding of the lesson at hand. But other kids are going out of their way to be funny and vying for the coveted role of class clown. Whatever the case may be, here are some of the funniest things students have said to their teachers over the years…

naotaforhonesty 2y A female student used to call herself Bill. She did not identify as a man, just thought it was funny and it was a running joke, so we called her Bill sometimes to humor her. A kid joins our class and the girl introduces herself as Bill and the boy says, that is NOT your name. She goes, oh yeah? Watch this, pulls out her phone and asks it what her name is. It replies, big daddy bill. We were all equal parts surprised and not. ... 190
AlwaysShamo . 1y One day, we were working with probability and flipping plastic coins. They tend to get lost on the floor. A student found a plastic penny on the floor, held it up in the air and yelled Hey Mr. AlwaysShamo, I found half your salary! It hurt, but I couldn't help but laugh. ... 3.3k
Faustus_Fan 1y Years ago, I had a junior-high student who liked to use phrases and idioms to seem...I don't know, worldly, maybe. Now, most of them were pretty standard. I heard kill two birds with one stone, patience is a virtue, and don't look a gift horse in the mouth many times. Then, one day, he came to class looking absolutely disheveled and exhausted. Rough day? I asked him as he plopped into his seat. Yeah. Today sucks, he told me before pontificating but, it's like the old saying goes, Mr. Faustus: sometimes you're the boner, sometimes you're the butt.
lolo_bear . . 2y 8th grader asked if a skank was the female version of a skunk. It took every ounce of self-control I have not to laugh ... 136
TheHarperValleyPTA, 2y One of my favorites was when my second graders pulled out an i survived book about 9/11 and asked if I remembered. We actually had a very wonderful, discussion about what it was like. I had never seen them listen so intently. About 10 seconds after I finished, without missing a beat, another student pulled out a book about the Great Chicago fire and asked what I remembered. It caught me so off guard I lost it ... 35
Raezelle7 . 2y MS/HS English| MA I had a kid (6th grader) genuinely believe life was in black and white before like 1970s; he asked me what year life got colorized ... 21
Caouenn 1y It was my birthday and a grade 4 student said to me in the sweetest voice you dont look a day over 30. had just turned 29..... ... 91
Any-Dust- . 1y  I beat autism. Не was VERY serious and preceded to tell me he was diagnosed young but when he got into kindergarten he say a bunch of colors in the wall and it clicked and ever since he has not had autism... ... 4
wildfoxx11 . 1y I was doing an end of term pop culture quiz with my youngest year group (11yos) and I asked: Who said the famous line, 'I'll be back'? And a kid put up his hand completely sincerely, and with complete innocence, said Jesus? ... 850
schroedingersnewcat . 1y My sister is the teacher. She teaches 7th grade math. In Florida. Student: Miss ! I need to use the toilet! Sis: How about we say that in the western way? Student: Howdy ma'am, I reckon'.....
individualonreddit . 1y A student told a teacher on my team my cousin's a virgin because he doesn't eat meat. My coworker said, Nope, that's a vegetarian. Luckily we teach elementary so it just went over everyone's head but it was hard to hold the laughter in on that one. ... 128
needledknitter 0 1y This year, one of my freshmen was trying to come up with the phrase postpartum depression but instead said postmortem depression and I just can't let it go. Every time a character in a book dies I think postmortem depression and I can't stop the giggles. ... 12
dmvorio . 2y We were at the aquarium watching the sea lion show and one of the trainers was pretending to drown. One of the sea lions missed his cue and the trainer apologized and got the sea lion back on track. The 7th grade student, with a dead pan face and clenched fists, raised them to the air, shook them angrily, and yelled, my immersion! I couldn't stop laughing. ... 32
tessisamedd . 2y This was a pre-K class during morning circle. Child: who are the four witches? Me: I'm sorry, what? Child: you know, the four witches standing Me: honey, I'm not sure what you are talking about Не then gets up, puts his hand on his heart, and starts reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Не thought for which it stands was about four witches ... 543
KonigJakob . 1 2y I told my class that my grandma had just passed away and I was feeling sad. This kid raised his hand and went, Mr. X, you are already too old to have a grandma. Even my family still laughs about that one. ... 85
ccn519 I 2y When I was teaching 3rd grade, a student came running up to me to ask if someone was having a baby. I was confused. Не goes on to ask if somebody is having a baby right now. I explained that statistically speaking yes somebody would be having right now. Не clarifies, and now wants to know if somebody is having a baby right now in class. It was just me and a bunch of 3rd graders so no, no baby was being born. Asked him why he thought that was happening and he goes, I heard water
orcawhales_and_owls . 2y Australia - Grade 1/2 We'd just introduced the concept of authors purpose and why a text was written and one of my 6 year olds was very excited that she'd found a great example at home she wanted to share. She waited all day, reminding me she was still waiting several times, and when we finally had time to share, she proudly stood up in front of the class to share.... her book about a porpoise. As in the large marine mammal. ... 632
JellicleCat 2y A few years ago, one of my 7th graders asked me about my political views. I asked what he wanted to know, and he said are you Dominican or Republican? ... 551
cooperpooperpoops . 2y I was teaching 10th grade English and we were in our Greek Mythology unit. I had one kid who just COULD NOT remember the names of the Gorgons (Medusa etc.). For the final they wrote an essay about the most interesting myth and throughout the entire paper, he wrote gorgonzolas. My friends and I still have chuckles over this one. ... 396
yeswehavenobonanza 2y Middle school science. Genetics. I got the go-ahead from the nurse to teach internal vs external fertilization strategies. I started taking questions. One boy raised his hand. Ok, I get that the sperm needs to reach the egg, but how does the male know when to... and he did a dramatic hand gesture, throwing them out in front of him, implying a fountain-like ejaculation. I nearly lost it, tried to come up with an explanation on the spot without laughing. ... 210
mathcatscats 8 2y Very naive class of 7th graders (thank goodness). We were discussing reflections on a graph, vertical vs horizontal. I mentioned the mirror on the ceiling in the facs room (so the kids can see cooking demonstrations) My student: Mrs, my aunt has a mirror just like that in her bedroom Me: ... 176
hazel_eyedgir177.2y I teach MS math and when I loan out pencils, I have students write their name on the board to show they borrowed a pencil and erase it when they return it. So, a Monday morning just before Christmas, a girl goes up to write pencils on the board in red and green marker. She gets the red marker and writes every other letter of the word, which happens to be P_N_I_S. By then, the whole class is staring. She filled in the E with the green and the class burst out laughing. When she realized what she had
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