The internet is fairly predictable. We can't see into the future to know exactly what's going to happen, it's a pretty safe bet that this year's shocking scandals will be in the same genre as those of years past.
What would Jesus do? Whatever the hell he wants to, apparently.
While the Gary Colemans and the Corey Haims hogged the posthumous limelight, we think there were a few others who deserve a little recognition as well, Cracked-style.
Watch out Santa. Watch out Rudolph. Crackedmas is coming to town.
Most of the things that we think of as classic holiday traditions like Santa, the Christmas tree and toy store riots didn't exist 500 years ago.
Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: The War on Christmas.
Everyone has different Christmas traditions: Some of us decorate trees, some of us drink egg-nog, some of us eat fruitcake, and some of us cover ourselves in feces, threaten to murder our children, and foster racism in their hearts.
With the skies growing more crowded every year, and the airlines losing their sense of shame every day, flight delays have gone from being a rare event to a reliable nuisance for anyone who chooses to travel by air.
The Hollywood reboot machine has gotten it's sticky hands all over some pretty uncomfortable places, but so far they've left holiday movies relatively untouched. This is what it will look like when they decide to right that wrong, and start giving us dark, gritty versions of holiday classics.
These ads seem to want nothing to do with cheer and goodwill, but rather to unsettle you someplace deep in your soul, so that you will never be 'right' again.
As I do ever year, let me start by saying, you're welcome. You have no doubt received my final edits on your own Christmas letters in the mail by this point. I will say that on the whole, I found them as endearing as they were littered with cliches and errors.