Meet Kelly, a dolphin who lived at the Institute for Marine Mammal Studies. Her trainers, perhaps out of laziness, decided to teach her how to pick up litter from her own tank.
This was encouraged by presenting Kelly and her chums with a nice fishy meal whenever they retrieved trash from their pool and brought it to their trainer. Life was sweet for the keepers, the pool was kept clean with f**k all effort on their behalf and the dolphins were happy enough with their little game. But Kelly, like all great entrepreneurs, wondered whether there was a way of making a profit from it.
And so one day, when someone dropped a piece of paper into the pool, rather than playing along with the game, Kelly picked up the litter and swam to the bottom of the pool, wedging it in place under a rock. The next time a trainer passed, she popped on down to the rock, tore off a tiny strip of paper and took it to the keeper. Bingo--she got a fish.
Holy s**t! It worked! She had found a way to multiply her fishy return many times over.
When the paper ran out, Kelly decided it was time to expand her business. In order to yield more impressive profits, she needed something more impressive than a piece of paper.
Gulls are lots bigger than paper and they like to eat dolphin food, so they could be found hanging around the tank. Kelly tested her theory by catching an unsuspecting fish-stealing gull and holding it in her mouth until a trainer arrived, her little fins twitching in anticipation. Bingo--once again she hit the mark. She got a s**t-ton of fish in return.
So now it was just a matter of attracting more gulls. The next time she was fed, Kelly stored a few fish under her rock hiding place. Once the keepers had left, she brought up a fish to use as bait. She caught another gull, waited for a trainer to come back, and proudly swam over to find herself once again rewarded with another s**t ton of fish.
She then taught her kids to do it, turning "gulls for fish" it into a family business.
You have to impressed; not only was Kelly turning a profit here, she had done it by adapting her behavior to elicit the desired response from her keepers. She could get them to give her fish on demand.
That's right; Kelly the dolphin trained her trainers.
We've been warning you for years: The animals are rising against us. You best educate yourself with their wickedness, in 8 Animals With Real Superpowers and The 6 Deadliest Creatures (That Can Fit In Your Shoe).
And visit Cracked.com's Top Picks to see our highly detailed plan of attack coded in the form of more dick jokes (animals can't stand dick jokes).