Cracked Archive - Weird World

To My Unborn Son: Stuff I Won't Have the Balls to Say

Five Reasons Bastards Always Win


If Theme Parks Just Didn't Give a F#@k

What amusement parks might look light if they decided they couldn't be bothered to worry about safety, or any of the other things sane people pay attention to.


6 Family Circus Cartoons Improved with Offensive Jokes

A lot of people would save Abraham Lincoln if they had a time machine. Not me. I would let Lincoln die while I went back to the dawn of language and made sure


The 4 Most Potentially Badass Fathers Who Never Had Kids

Pointing out the people who shouldn't have had kids (Hitler's Dad, his Mom, and so forth), is easy and boring. So, in honor of Father's Day, I've rounded up a bunch of awesome and badass historical figures who absolutely should have filled this planet with their offspring.


3 Steps to Not Sucking at Air Travel [CHART]

You're going to travel by plane. Might as well not make an embarassing mess of it.


If Historical Figures Endorsed Modern Products

Most historical figures existed before there was such a thing as selling out. They probably would be just as publicly refreshed by popular soft drinks as modern icons if given the opportunity. We give them that chance.


5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Moving

There are all sorts of traps, pitfalls, and dastardly sons of bitches lurking out there, just waiting to pounce on you in your vulnerable state of temporary Hobo-osity. And nobody warns you about them ... presumably because Big Moving has had all of their protesting tongues cut out and fed into the secret Misery Engines that really keep those truck


28 Great Movies From the Perspective of Minor Characters

Everyone's got a story to tell. If the henchmen were telling the story, Bond films would be called something like 'The Day Some Guy in a Tuxedo Killed All of My Friends.'


6 Reasons Engagement Ring Shopping Objectively Sucks

My boyfriend and I have recently come to the point where we're discussing the whole engagement deal and have come to the conclusion that this whole engagement ring racket is an elaborate trap. It seems like it should be simple enough for two reasonable people to agree on some kind of tangible engagement symbol that doesn't cost you thousands of dol


6 People Who Had No Clue Their Faces Were World-Famous

Imagine that your face has been famous for years or decades, and you never had any idea. This happens -- people have found out that completely without their knowledge, they've become icons.


The 5 Most Terrifying Zoo Exhibits Ever

Zoos are a place of childlike wonder. But even these places of joy can produce nightmare-inducing images that will keep you up for weeks.


If Every Job Came With Bond Gadgets

What if, on the first day of work at every job, you were taken into a back room and given hi-tech wizardry disguised as the tools of that trade? We asked you to show us what it would look like if every company had their own version of Q, creating secretly souped up, geeked out, weaponized (down? whatever directions you weaponize something) gadgets


16 Iconic Characters Past Their Prime

Sports and movie stars tend to stick around past their careers' expiration date. That's why so many of our real world heroes end up going out on such sour notes, and also why we love fictional characters so much. The credits roll long before they get all sad and desperate. Until now!