Let your minions rejoice as you reveal to them your new base of operations, completely empty and ready for mayhem.
There's at least one person in every Secret Santa program who clearly just gives out random crap they have laying around the house.
I am a human guy in your city who possesses the exact skills everyone is looking for.
Merry New Thanksamadannukkahmas. Or whatever.
It turns out that everyday things we piss and moan about are huge catastrophes everywhere else.
My name is Cedric Coleman, and I spent seven years as a prison guard in two different states.
If you are up for caring for an 'exotic' animal, you may well just rethink that after reading this.
Even the most stoic stubble-jawed professor can jump the gun and have his revolutionary new artifact turn out to be nothing more than a weirdly shaped rock.
I may have accidentally embroiled myself in a fight to the death.
When the 'nerds are awesome' phase collapses, we're all going to be hanging from flagpoles by our underwear.
It turns out the Bible is full of unbelievably dirty stories and one-liners about dongs, butts, and so, so much poop.
Childhood never really dies -- it just gets repressed.