Cracked Archive - News

5 Things No One Mentions When Debating Political Correctness

Over the last few years, however, I've seen a lot of people take up the mantle of GRAND GATEKEEPER OF JOKES and cast blanket statements over comedy as a whole.

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4 Stupid Moral Panics Caused By Everyday Objects

Sex, women, and kitchen utensils have brought society to the brink of collapse more times than should be necessary.

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6 Famous Companies You Had No Clue Were Dying

The internet has made things pretty easy. Too easy...

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The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/16)

The news is like an episode of 'Game Of Thrones,' only more people die and the characters' decisions somehow make even less sense.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/9)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity. So we're here to help.

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6 Surprises To Expect When Both Of Your Parents Die

I wasn't legally allowed to rent a car, but I was already an orphan, planning funerals, owning property, and doing things even my own parents never had to endure.

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6 Insane News Stories About Terrorism (That Were Total B.S.)

It's time for part 47 billion of our 219-quintillion-part series on fiction passed off as news.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/2)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/26)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity.

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The 5 Coolest Superpowers The Religious Right Thinks I Have

To get down on our knees and grovel over every little disaster we've caused would take all day; is it cool if we just apologize for the Top 5?

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/19)

Sometimes it seems like the world is run by Skynet, after it got infected with malware from an Eastern European porn site.

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The 6 Most Clueless Assholes To Ever Exploit Tragedies

Cashing in always takes precedence over common decency.

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5 Insane Police Forces No One Ever Talks About

I didn't intend to write three columns in a row about police and/or criminals, it just sort of happened.

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13 Things You Didn't Know You Should Know

The world is like a movie written by a dozen coked-up screenwriters, the script of which was then eaten by one of their dogs, forcing the actors to try to perform their parts by reading the shit.

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5 Reasons Police Have Probably Started The Next Civil War

Police sure are crazy in Baltimore, huh? Trick question! Police are crazy pretty much everywhere.

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