Cracked Archive - News

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/16)

The news is like an episode of 'Game Of Thrones,' only more people die and the characters' decisions somehow make even less sense.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/9)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity. So we're here to help.

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6 Surprises To Expect When Both Of Your Parents Die

I wasn't legally allowed to rent a car, but I was already an orphan, planning funerals, owning property, and doing things even my own parents never had to endure.

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6 Insane News Stories About Terrorism (That Were Total B.S.)

It's time for part 47 billion of our 219-quintillion-part series on fiction passed off as news.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/2)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity.

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/26)

No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity.

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The 5 Coolest Superpowers The Religious Right Thinks I Have

To get down on our knees and grovel over every little disaster we've caused would take all day; is it cool if we just apologize for the Top 5?

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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/19)

Sometimes it seems like the world is run by Skynet, after it got infected with malware from an Eastern European porn site.

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Pictofacts

21 Eerily Specific Pop Culture Predictions That Came True

Look, we don't want to go around telling folks that we think prophets are real and stuff but, you know, there certainly is compelling evidence.

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The 6 Most Clueless Assholes To Ever Exploit Tragedies

Cashing in always takes precedence over common decency.

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5 Insane Police Forces No One Ever Talks About

I didn't intend to write three columns in a row about police and/or criminals, it just sort of happened.

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13 Things You Didn't Know You Should Know

The world is like a movie written by a dozen coked-up screenwriters, the script of which was then eaten by one of their dogs, forcing the actors to try to perform their parts by reading the shit.

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5 Reasons Police Have Probably Started The Next Civil War

Police sure are crazy in Baltimore, huh? Trick question! Police are crazy pretty much everywhere.

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6 People So Good At Sex They're Basically Magic

The best sex is always about timing.

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The 14 Most Important Stories You Probably Missed

We have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

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