Watching the news, it's clear that the real world is a lot like the 'Star Wars' universe, in the sense that there are lots of people getting limbs hacked off by religious extremists.
As far as most news outlets are concerned, anyone below the poverty line is fair game as a source of national amusement and mockery.
Watching the news can leave you with the impression that the world is secretly run by YouTube commenters.
While everyone is saying equally dumb stuff as Ben Carson, he's the only one suffering in the polls for it.
Going to an animated movie for kids by yourself as an adult male is one step away from going to Chuck E. Cheese's alone.
Articles about how modern college kids hate the first amendment have become more prevalent than STDs at a frat house.
A quick look at the news should make you thankful that you're not currently running and screaming from some disaster or another.
It is a foregone conclusion that Hilary Clinton is going to win the Democratic nomination, to the chagrin of the keyboard-killers who thought Sanders would be our POTUS for the next 60 years.
Honor killing claims 5,000 lives every year. And for some young Muslims, mostly women, all it takes to become a statistic is living a normal adult life.
ISIS has a magazine. That is not a joke. An actual glossy, full-color magazine called Dabiq, complete with feature articles and photo spreads.
The news can seem like a crossover between the 'Saw' franchise and 'Groundhog Day.'
Look, folks, portraying the youth of today as Archie and Jughead hopped up on The Weeknd and emojis isn't going to make the world a less stupid place.
Following the news every day will make you wonder why Matt Damon didn't just ask to stay on Mars.
The upcoming election is a total clown car. So we might as well have fun with it.