Last week, Toronto's GarfieldEATS restaurant announced they were being evicted by an "unempathetic" and "heartless" landlord who has shown "no form of appreciation" for overweight, lasagna-addicted cartoon cats, and if you've seen a more deranged press release this year ... shut up, no you haven't. No one has.
There's a lot to digest here, but let's start with: what the furry orange hell is GarfieldEATS? Its founder, a "social media influencer in entrepreneurship," describes it as the world's first "entergaging" Garfield-licensed "quick mobile restaurant." In regular Earth human language, that means it's a table-less restaurant where you can order to-go pizzas shaped like, uh ... is that Ms. Pac-Man?
Yeah, definitely Ms. Pac-Man. Alternatively, you can order "Garficcinos," Garfield-shaped chocolate bars, or exactly one type of lasagna (probably a requirement of the license). They also have an app where you can order food while playing minigames or paying for the privilege of watching 30-year-old Garfield And Friends episodes. If you still don't understand the concept, here's a mildly engaged Jim Davis reading a description being held up for him by his grandson or manager or whoever's standing behind the camera:
The food has been described as "cardboardy" ("I'm not sure if I ate the pizza or the box") and "overpriced." Oh, and in addition to delivering food, they've also started delivering nightmares via these hellish face masks that you can purchase for only $25:
But, despite their devoted social media following (most of the comments on their Twitter posts are from young people wishing to fornicate with Garfield in a variety of sexual positions), GarfieldEATS has been having a tough time lately. Because of the pandemic, it appears that many customers haven't been obeying the last part of their catchy, slightly cult-esque slogan, "LOVE ME, FEED ME, DON'T LEAVE ME." As a result, the restaurant's landlord got nervous and demanded an advance on the rent. When that wasn't paid, he locked out the staff overnight, which, to quote the press release, "turned into a nightmare for the beloved cat and young founder Nathen Mazri." To the best of our knowledge, the only Alf-themed restaurant in Belgrade, Serbia never had to put up with this shit.
But don't despair! On the same day that this story was reported, GarfieldEATS eloquently announced that "Founder #Nathenmazri saved the cat under 6 hours from greedy landlord wanting 3 months in advance as GarfieldEATS entergaging restaurant app enjoys a splurge in online sales during COVID19 as users watch play & order in social distancing" . It looks like Mazri was able to generate enough online outrage to force the landlord to rethink his position. While we're glad that GarfieldEATS is once again performing its essential service to the community, we have to wonder if this is perhaps too much power for one mortal (not named Jim Davis) to wield. As #Nathen himself put it: "The only weapon I have is the Garfield fans. When I speak, the whole world listens."
Love him. Feed him. Do not leave him. Garfield IS.
Maxwell Yezpitelok is a renowned Garfieldologist currently playing through every Garfield video game ever made. Follow this vital investigation on YouTube and Twitch.
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Maxwell Yezpitelok
