Sex tapes have become a basic staple of the Internet diet. Shocking as it may seem, literally dozens of celebrities apparently have sex, and now we know about it.
But I was still honestly surprised to read about the upcoming release of a Jimi Hendrix threesome tape. And by Vivid no less, whose stable of fine actors fill out the cast of my personal favorite adult movie of all time, XXX Pirates (the only porn to my knowledge featuring fully CGI skeletons and ghalleons).
I mean, it used to be that barring a major grave robbery, you could kind of count on your post-mortem legacy being secured. Now we’ve got Monroe
and Hendrix boning on camera, and it’s only a matter of time before sexstorians dig up more compromising footage of our favorite dead.
After all, there seems to be plenty of money in it; Vivid plans on selling the 11-minute clip of a man “closely resembling Hendrix” as a forty-dollar DVD. For that kind of money, he’d better break into the solo form All Along The Watchtower at the moment of climax.
And so, as this horrorshow we call the Internet continues to consume more and more of our lives, and allows us all to indulge in the cravings for celebrity depravity we all share, then I’d at least like to put in my personal requests. Are you listening, people who comb through estate sales looking for old reel-to-reels of celebrities fucking? Here we go.