The First Annual Cracked Fat Jokes Festival! Get It While It's Legal!

I'm going to level with you: this article about fat people trying to get "being fat" a federally protected condition raises some fine points. Although it sounds like fatties trying to have their cake and eat it too, maybe with a shake and some fries on the side, there are some compelling cases by which I could be persuaded that they deserve to be protected form discrimination (most of these cases are cases of liquor). And in a nation obsessed with body image and yet largely overweight, it’s an important issue. Whether or not someone can sue you for offering to describe their feet to them (you know, for old time’s sake) could actually affect my life very directly. But above all else, what I gather from that article is that there’s a real possibility, in the near future, that it will be socially unacceptable to make fat jokes. And that fills me with the kind of horror known only to a fat kid being told that the funnel cake machine is still out of order. As a blog that clearly loves the fat jokes, I think now is a good time to brace for the worst, and celebrate what we once took for granted. Give us your best fat jokes, people of Cracked. Link hilarious photos of men who are probably dead now. Show us videos of obese kids jiggling their way into their parents’ cholesterol-clogged hearts. Let’s celebrate the fat joke, one last time, while we still can. Before the law says we have to sleep with overweight people, hire them as models, and encourage them on their road to Guinness glory, let’s memorialize their immeasurable contributions to humor. And, if we’re lucky, we may just make some people cry in the process.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael wicked rips on fat kids as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
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