The 7 Least Anticipated Albums of 2012
Insane Clown Posse -- The Mighty Death Pop!Release Date: May 29 Record Label: One with particularly low standards. They probably own it. If not, I have no explanation for how this keeps happening. The Sad Details: Are you an overweight 14-year-old who feels like your parents don't understand you? If so, this is probably the album for you. Also, shut the hell up. It's not that your parents don't understand you, it's just that raising a child who wears clown makeup without being paid for it means they rightfully view you as a massive disappointment. As for the rest of you, I doubt you need me to tell you all the myriad reasons why a new ICP album is not an event that should be greeted with fanfare and adulation. But I'm going to anyway, because there is literally nothing on this earth more enjoyable than angering Juggalos. For one thing, a new ICP album means that, no matter how hard we've prayed for it, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope or whatever they're calling themselves these days have not perished in a fiery plane crash. Which, when you really think about it, makes perfect sense. Death by plane crash is a fate mostly reserved for legends. These two have no right being in that club, even if it would make the world a much better place. That doesn't mean we can't daydream about it, though. In fact, let's all pause to do just that right now.
I trust that looking at this picture will help.
Scorpions -- Comeblack
Adam Lambert -- TrespassingRelease Date: March 20 Record Label: Wherever American Idol runners-up go to die The Sad Details: Well, happy birthday to me! On the same day I'll be celebrating my seventh annual 29th birthday, the world will receive a gift in the form of a new album from American Idol nonwinner and Freddie Mercury wannabe Adam Lambert. Are you excited about that? If so, you're probably a dude who has both a boyfriend and insanely shitty taste in music or a 12-year-old girl who's too naive to realize that Adam Lambert will never be
Willow Smith -- Willow: You Think You Know Me
Bret Michaels -- Get Your Rock On
Marilyn Manson -- Born Villain
Scott Stapp (former lead singer of Creed) -- Somewhere in the Middle of Lust and Love
For more from Adam, check out The 6 Most Atrocious Uses of Facial Hair in Music History and The 11 Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever.