The 5 Most Clearly Insane Public Figures Endorsing McCain
Rev. John Hagee
The Endorsement: Hagee is senior pastor of a huge San Antonio church and CEO of GETV, a “non-denominational charismatic church group” overseeing Evangelical programming for 160 TV stations, 50 radio stations, and eight dedicated Christian TV networks. You’d be hard pressed to find a more expansive and powerful propaganda machine without releasing a cloud of nanobots. And by the way, “charismatic” doesn’t mean he’ll talk you into a new Pontiac; it means his church believes in tongues, faith healing, and assorted other God magics. So from McCain’s point of view, here’s a guy who can get on TV and tell 90 million Christians that God wants them to vote Republican in November, and he’s got magical powers to back it up. Sweet deal, right?
The Endorsement: If there’s a voting block McCain’s got trouble with aside from the religious right, it’s kids. Let’s face facts: any effort he makes to appear “cool” to today’s youth is just going to come off looking like the “rappin' grandma” from
George Bush (both of them)
Pastor Rod Parsley
Tran Trong Duyet
The Endorsement: Never heard of Tran Trong Duyet? I guarantee you John McCain remembers every detail of his pocked, scowling face. That’s because Mr. Duyet was the head guy at the “Hanoi Hotel,” the Vietnam prison camp where John McCain and many other American soldiers were held captive and (according to Duyet) NOT tortured at all. What did they do with all their time not being tortured? Why, played volleyball, ate full meals, and discussed philosophy with their friendly, enlightened captors! Duyet says he considers McCain “an old war buddy” and would “definitely vote for him” in the election. He also called McCain a man who is “very loyal to his beliefs and country” and who" never admitted that the Vietnam war was a mistake” during any of their “debates.” I’d wager an inordinate number of those debates were moderated by hot tongs and the phrase “di di mao!” Still, there’s nothing quite like redemption to win over an American heart, and what could be more cathartic than a big on-stage hug between John McCain and his repentant torturer?
When not writing for Cracked, Michael is liveblogging debates!!!