Much like Reese’s peanut butter cups that combine the deliciousness of chocolate with the yumminess of peanut butter, Barbara Walters appeared on Larry King last week. Only instead of being a delicious combination, it proved to be a largely pointless and irritating blend. Probably not surprising considering that separately each induces disgust convulsions in me. So actually that Reese’s peanut butter cup comparison wasn’t thought out very well. Maybe it’s more like an evil Reese’s peanut butter cup made from two old and bitter ingredients, neither of which you’d want to consume. Yeah, that’s a pretty weak metaphor, huh? Sorry, I’m out of practice with this whole writing thing. I’ve become an internet Talking Head. Fantastic. I can’t wait until I can do one of these segments about how much I hate myself. Here it is. Installment number three of:
Hate By Numbers
This entry was posted on Monday, May 19th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Hate By Numbers, Larry King, barbara walters, starr jones. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 9th, 2008 at 8:20 am
[...] also been a guest on Larry King Live, which means he’s got the ear of the nation’s most ancient and bitter voters. No harm in him throwing around the McCain name at church events, [...]
September 4th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
The sex life bit at the end actually took me a second, but I got it by the time you signed off. Nicely done.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Nice post! I also saw many hot sexy photos&videos and personal blogs
on ___PlusMeet.c o m___, where so many sexy busty beauties, big booty hotties and big manful guys mingle there for fun&romance!
June 11th, 2008 at 6:39 am
[...] Things That Pissed Me Off on Larry King the Other NightBarbara Walters is freaking terrifying.http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/05/19/12-things-that-pissed-me-off-about-larry-kings-barbara-walter…Book results for larry kingLarry L. King: A Writer’s Life in Letters, Or … [...]
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Gladstone… you rule. Great stuff.
May 31st, 2008 at 11:26 am
Why did she avoid all the questions?
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 am
The Night. Morphine.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:16 pm
What is this “music” we hear at the beginning and end of your segment?
May 21st, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Nice. I had a friend who pranked Larry King back in the 1980s on radio, calling in to ask Valerie Harper if she was still holding his dope. Valerie stammered that she had a Diet Coke but nothing stronger. Larry commented that the “dope was calling in.” We all thought that tape was hilarious. (See, I got your sex life joke, too.) That was comedy old skool. You know, before the Internets.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:35 am
@ Dave, click the Hate By Numbers tag below. This was the 3rd episode in the last three weeks. Thanks.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:40 am
That’s all.
For now.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:38 am
Great finish. Would love to see this regularly.
May 20th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
this was awesome. and i love how all of your comments are positive practically, even though the video blatantly insults ANYONE. that’s usually grounds for a flame war. and apparently “16th chapel” is a common mistake, so it’s perfectly excusab–i weep for humanity.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Definitely your best so far!
Nice work!
May 20th, 2008 at 3:35 am
Wow, I havent seen her on tv in a long time and I’d say that the years have not been good to Barbara…and when did she start wearing suspenders?
May 20th, 2008 at 1:42 am
1. When I was a kid Babs used to be that nice lady from 20/20. Now she weirds me out. She’s a few cats away from being Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons. 2. Another great job Gladstone. 3. Morphine rocks!
May 19th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Good comeback, Gladstone; I’ve noticed the same thing. Though not ALL assholes, because they didn’t throw themselves at me. I had to use chloroform.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I learned from Mencia Mayhem. Mob mentality = respect.
Fuck Barbara Walters and Larry King.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
” but I have to disagree with you — cheerleaders most certainly DO throw themselves at assholes.”
With wild abandon.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
They may not throw themselves at assholes, but they do throw themselves at dicks!
May 19th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I’m not going to debate whether or not that was or is an appropriate characterization of who I was or am, but I have to disagree with you — cheerleaders most certainly DO throw themselves at assholes.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
No, just that they just don’t throw themselves at assholes.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Are you implying that cheerleaders don’t throw themselves at satirists in high school? How dare you, sir.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I’m willing to bet that was your sex life for more than junior high.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Can you believe how stupid some of these responders are!! I mean, one guy cant even spell Larry. And IRod thinks its the 16th chapel. Come on!! Am I reading that right? the 16th Chapel?? Holy shit!! And I thought I was losing it.
By the way: Larry King and Barbara Walters are both pieces of shit that would be better off dead!! Not that I condone any real action against them or anything. Its just that…
May 19th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Damn, Gladstone, you rock. Seriously.
May 19th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
gladstone’s so damn cute
May 19th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I absolutely love Hate By Numbers. Gladstone is terrific!
May 19th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I believe that good ole Barbara Wawa has done gone off the deep end.
Good post Gladstone.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
S’allright.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Well done, Gladstone. Anyone notice that she went through the trouble to paint her hand up and then couldn’t even move it to make it talk? I’d be damned if I’d expose myself like that. Of course, unlike her I haven’t been dead for several years.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Awesome. I usually avoid the video entries but I’m glad I gave this a shot.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
lol. yeah, i set myself up for that. For reasons I don’t understand, it reads even white or off white as the same as my do it yourself bed sheet green screen — as proven by the fact that it’s messing with my white t-shirt. So there. Did I need to say that. No. But I did.
BTW, I won’t make fake promises about free candy for diggers, but I’m pretty sure Jack’s throwing a kegger if this get’s to 150. Of course, I’m only assuming based on nothing — but what if I’m right? I don’t think we can afford to chance it.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I love green teeth, though, Gladstone. So hot.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Inferior greenscreening technology. On the bright side, this is my best effort yet. I could have gotten rid of that thing on the shirt, but then the background started appearing on my teeth — which was decidedly worse! I’m getting there. Bear with me.
May 19th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
what the fuck is on gladstone’s shirt??
May 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Gladstone, you’re so awesome. This is a great segment. Love Barbara’s fake laugh… it was one of the worst i’ve ever seen….
May 19th, 2008 at 11:18 am
i’m afraid of all your dated references. but boobs never get old. damn i just realized that barbara is a living counter-point to that. despite my critique, i’m 99% a fan
May 19th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I miss Ross.
didnt he die or something?
May 19th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I guess the first thing on my list is I goofed the simile/metaphor thing. Number two would be that I don’t have a hip anonymous screen name like “Dontknow.”
May 19th, 2008 at 9:59 am
“X number of things I hate about myself” is an excellent idea, Gladstone. Why not keep a running list and make it a recurring segment? I’m sure some of the loving notes in the comment section will be enough fodder to make you go Emo and give yourself the “vertical wrist tatoo” in no time.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:37 am
This guy has posted his personal ad to a celebrities dating site called $$LovingRich.com$$ for several months. I just visited his profile page yesterday. It seems he has logged in recently. OMG, is he looking for a new relationship?
May 19th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I want all the View hosts to jump Star Jones one day. The way any real gang works.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:12 am
“HBN” is great. Good job Gladstone.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:02 am
That’s not even a metaphor, it’s a simile. A metaphor doesn’t use the word “like”.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Thanks guys. BTW, before anyone says it — no, that clip of Senor Wences is not from the Muppet show, but yes, he did host an episode. So there. Take that, all you people who didn’t mention it that I’m still arguing with!
May 19th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I think you mean Sistine Chapel… although, who knows, maybe it was the 16th one
May 19th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Ha! The ’sex life’ crack is what got me. Great job, as per the usual, Gladstone!
May 19th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Im still waiting for the chaptera bout how barbara did it with larry king while they were painting the 16th chapel
May 19th, 2008 at 8:29 am
That interview would have been so much cooler if Barbara Walters had insisted on conducting the second half in her Mr. Wences character. Dynamite joke at the end there. Gladstone is a closer. He would get coffee if we could afford any.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:15 am
all I heard was blah blah blah… I hate lary king.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:11 am
That interview would have been so much cooler if Larry King had gone after Barbara like a pitbull and Barbara had ripped him a new one or started crying.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Gladstone rules. Hate by numbers is a great segment.