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As some of the more pop culture knowledgeable readers have already deduced from that headline, Vanilla Ice was
arrested yesterday on a battery charge. Apparently, his wife bought an expensive bedroom set and, as a result, Vanilla pushed her, right in front of their daughter.
I...I'm sorry, I can't just report on this story. I have a confession, Readers, and I need your advice on this one. I have such a guilty conscience, and I feel like I may somehow be responsible for Ice's actions. Let me just start at the beginning. I'll tell you this story, and you let me know if I could have done anything to prevent this mess.
Last Friday, I was at Jay-Z and Beyonce's wedding. Don't beat yourself up if you weren't invited, the guest list was very small. Mostly just family, Kanye, Dame, me, Vanilla Ice, some of the Nets and Nas, (they're cool now). I think one of Destiny's children was in attendance do, but hell if I know. Beyonce and I don't really get along. (I didn't like
Dreamgirls. Fucking
kill me.)
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It was a beautiful ceremony. Nas gave an inspiring speech as the best man and Kanye released, like, a thousand doves, (motherfucker loves doves, I'll tell ya). There was a nice jazz band for the reception and the food was really terrific. I remember walking up to Jay-Z to hand him his present, and I remember razzing him a little bit about his recent marriage.
"So, Hova," I said with a smirk, "you're finally married, huh?"
"Chyeah," He said.
"What about all that