Something Called Science Claims the Internet Makes Us Dumb
Was the conch important? I definitely remember thinking that the conch was important. They sat on it, right?I've basically grown up on the Internet, and the possibility that this experience has damaged my brain frankly rings true. I will Google everything, and when I'm not doing that, it's because I've just wikied something. I once logged on to TVtropes and didn't come out for eight days. If you were to ask me what I did yesterday, I could only blink and reply, "Internet. Regret." Obviously, anecdotal evidence is nothing to base a scientific study on, but it is a hell of a way to frame a column. So to find out more about the subject, and to get some external reassurance that my own mental faculties were "basically still there," I enlisted the help of Professor Stephen Hodges at the University of Canada.
Foreground: The School of Particle and Beaver Physics.Using the smallest words he could, Dr. Hodges explained that I was probably fine and should calm down. But he was willing to set up a series of experiments to mirror those published in the earlier study, to test my ability to recall things with and without the assistance of the Internet. After surrendering my smartphone to him, he showed me to a simple white room with a table, two chairs and a computer.________________________Cracked: OK, Dr. Hodges. So how's this going to work?Dr. Hodges: Well first we're going to do a bit of a baseline test of your general knowledge and ability to use the Internet. When filling in this questionnaire, you can use this computer if you feel it necessary. C: Got it. Let's do this the only way I know how.H: ...C: Big Willie Style of course.H: ...
"Jesus Christ, that feels good."H: So ... What we're going to do now is disconnect the Internet, and repeat using a similar questionnaire. This way we'll see how you react and perform without the Internet to serve as a crutch.
Be sure to check out more from Bucholz in Online Dating Strategies and Cosmo Quiz: What Kind of Girl Are You?.