Sharon Stone Is A Hateful Witch (And A Video Of Old Men Waving)
I like The Quick and the Dead. Cort and the Kid are awesome characters, and Sam Raimi's bizarre quick-zoom montage has never been more at home than in the wild west milieu. But frankly, Sharon Stone's character would have been a lot more interesting if they plugged in a few real-life Sharon Stone quotes, because it turns out when she's not provocatively baring her vagina on film, she's saying the craziest, most offensive things I've ever heard. I first became aware of this thanks to this poorly-written blog post about her telling the 65,000 Chinese people killed in a massive earthquake that "maybe it was karma." And while that little bon mot is probably the most heinously ignorant thing she’s said in recent memory, a little digging revealed that it’s far from an anomaly. For example, let’s look at her advice for women who are in the process of being raped. Not planning a rape, not recovering from a rape, but being raped right this instant. Sharon Stone’s solution? "Offer the rapist a blowjob." Because after all, all he’s really looking for is release, and putting his penis in your mouth is way better than being physically violated. Or, you know, the same as. So she thinks the Chinese deserve to die, and the best way to avoid rape is to get raped. What other kernels of wisdom might she impart? Well, how about her thoughts on providing her children with condoms: “If they want to make water balloons out of them, great. If they want to carry them so they feel tough, great. If they want to give them to their friends, even better.” Just make sure they know that to pop a water balloon made out of a condom, you have to repeatedly slam it into your sibling’s face as hard as you can. On the plus side, it will
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael investigates real rape repellents as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!