Falling Turtles, Fart Deodorizers and Vending Machine Disguises: The Daily Nooner!

By:
Awesome Video Of The Day Snapping Turtle Climbs A Fence I know it's Monday and you're tired and bummed out and missing the weekend and all that, but I think I may have found something that can make you feel better: A video of a turtle falling off a fence. Why will that help? I don't know. There's definitely something satisfying about it, though. Maybe it's like an inspirational message about giving your all. Maybe we could learn a lesson from this little persistent guy. Or maybe it's just funny to watch animals fall off of stuff.
Failed Gadget Roundup The wheel. The lightbulb. Big Mouth Billy Bass. For centuries, man has felt the need to create. Sometimes man's inventions have inspired awe, fear, wonderment. Other times, the impact has been... well... slightly less impressive. This week on the Cracked Blog, we'll be celebrating the latter: brilliant gadgets that never quite managed to catch on. Not yet, at least. "Brilliant" Gadget #5: The Flatulence Deodorizer Filed in April of 2000, the flatulence deodorizer "discloses a pad to be worn by a user for absorbing gas due to flatulence."
This drawing from page 2 pretty much sums up the problem: You're at the airport, waiting for your luggage in your favorite "Z" jacket, when suddenly you find yourself emitting odors so foul they require stink lines to be properly illustrated.
Problem solved! Aside from the I'm-basically-wearing-a-weird-diaper-for-farts factor, this is actually a pretty good idea. Or it would be, I guess, if you're like the people in the testimonials on Flat-D.com. Those peoples' lives have been completely ruined by farts.
Wild Card Where'd She Go?! If you're a female in Japan being pursued by a would-be attacker, what do you do? Scream as loud as you can? Run into a pachinko parlor, maybe? Thanks to the fashion industry, you now have a third option: Disguise yourself as a vending machine. A fashion designer in Tokyo has come up with a dress that unfolds into a giant sheet with an actual-size photo of a vending machine on it. Despite the fact that crime rates in Japan are actually declining, the vending machine dress is just one of several ridiculous solutions to dealing with the criminal element:
"Take the “manhole bag,” a purse that can hide valuables by unfolding to look like a sewer cover. Lay it on the street with your wallet inside, and unwitting thieves are supposed to walk right by."
I've never been to Japan, but apparently it's like living in a Road Runner cartoon.

Related: The 6 Most Fascinating Vending Machines Ever, Definitely

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Tags

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Forgot Password?