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During this season of giving, everyone is doing their part to spread holiday cheer. But the universe demands a balance. All the sadness and cruelty in the world has to go somewhere. And thanks to a holiday tradition at my house, all that negative energy goes into my VCR and comes out as the Star Wars Holiday Special.
The Star Wars Holiday Special was broadcast on TV in 1978 as a fine-print stipulation to the fiddle contest that George Lucas lost to the devil. It was terrible in every possible direction. If Hitler forced aliens to put on a variety show at gunpoint, you'd feel more comfortable watching it. To this day, parts of George Lucas sizzle and fall off if you mention it near him. Famous little person Warwick Davis actually started as a section of George Lucas that screamed and detached itself when the special first aired. And since that day, it has never been shown or legally distributed.
I'd like to take a look back at the different segments that came together to make this one of history's worst anythings ever. There are two things to look out for in each one. The first is
Actor Indifference. Nearly all of principle actors from the film are here, and none of them are good enough at their job to hide how much they hate that fact. Harrison Ford in particular will read the lines but you can kiss his ass if you think he's going to
try. If Kanye West's agent booked him on
Hee Haw, he'd perform with more enthusiasm. And for this reason, each segment's
Actor Indifference will be measured in