8 Lame-Ass Shows NBC Will (Probably) Use to Replace Leno

NBC's grand experiment to cram Jay Leno down the faceholes of the American primetime audience ended this past weekend when it was announced that Leno's 10:00pm show would be axed following the Winter Olympics. The scuttlebutt at this point is that Leno will be offered his old time slot at 11:35pm, with Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon's shows getting bumped back a half hour or more. At this point, most observers are curious about how Conan O'Brien will react to this move, which is a humiliating demotion in all but name. I'm less interested in that angle, because as a Conan fan for years, I think it's obvious how he'll react to the news (in a cascade of tears, he'll attempt to drive his car into the ocean but will end up getting stuck in the sand, 50 yards from the water's edge. While attempting to flee from the gathering crowds of reporters and onlookers, a seagull will attack and badly hurt him). No, more interesting to me is how NBC will fill five hours of their primetime schedule in the void created by the absence of Leno's void of a show. Aside from a few under-appreciated sitcoms, NBC hasn't made a good show in years. And they haven't created a

successful show since Joey, Chandler and the rest all rode off into the sunset on a fucking dinosaur. These are the Detroit Lions of the entertainment industry. What kind of shows could you create with only one month to work with and the intelligence of a pile of rabbit pellets? To find out, with the help of a piece of paper with Alexander Hamilton on it and a woefully underpaid janitor, I broke into the NBC offices in New York. After smelling a pencil which I thought might have been touched by Tina Fey, I tracked down a document with the planned replacements for the 10:00pm spot on NBC's schedule. It was easy enough to find, being written entirely in feces smeared on a wall. I present it to you below, in a a pleasant, non-fecal font. (How's that for an endorsement? "Verdana: It's better than shit.")