4

All Kinds Of Celebs Claimed They'd Leave The Country If Trump Was Elected

When Donald Trump won the Electoral College in 2016, much of the nation either 1) jumped their riding mowers over picnic tables in celebration, or 2) said they were leaving the country. Celebs mostly fell into the latter category, as they hate Trump and wouldn't even know how to start a lawnmower.

Samuel L. Jackson was headed to South Africa. Toronto was going to be Snoop Dogg's new home. Now, a lot of this was probably said in frustration, and it's not like any of them said they'd actually do it. Except Lena Dunham. Prior to the election, Dunham, a prolific apologizer who also happened to make the show Girls, was pretty unambiguous about her intentions to split if Hillary Clinton lost, stating, "I know a lot of people have been threatening to do this, but I really will. I know a lovely place in Vancouver."

Naturally, those with riding mowers in need of serious work following their post-election celebrations were quick to point out that Dunham used the words "I really will." She stayed quiet in the immediate aftermath of the election, but eventually, she became Lena Dunham again and responded on Instagram, saying, "I will go many places during my lifetime, surrounded by kindreds on a mission to spread justice and light." To translate: "Canada? Nah."

3

O.J. Simpson Insisted He'd Track Down The "Real" Killers

Prior to even being arraigned for the double murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, O.J. Simpson vowed to find the "real killer" not named O.J. Simpson. On July 20, 1994, Simpson set up a toll-free number (that may be the most 1994-sounding thing of all time) and offered a $500,000 reward for any information leading to a conviction.

A year later in 1995, following a trial somebody should make a TV series about, O.J. was acquitted on all charges. In the aftermath of the verdict, as the nation came to grips with losing Judge Lance Ito as a daily punchline, O.J. mouthed "Thank you" to the jury and then high-tailed it home. But O.J.'s oldest son, Jason, read a statement from his father at the courthouse which doubled down on his pledge to find the killers not named O.J. Simpson.

1996 found Simpson back in court, this time at a civil trial, one in which he lost virtually all his fortune. Following that, there was no mention of finding the killers not named O.J. Simpson, or any updates on what progress had been made in the last couple of years. Well, until 2006, when Simpson helped write a book titled If I Did It, in which he speculated on how the crimes would have been committed if the guilty party was exactly named O.J. Simpson.

Related: 5 Famous People Who Blatantly Lied (And Barely Paid For It)

2

Bill O'Reilly Said He'd "Get The Truth To The American People" About His Firing

On April 19, 2017, Fox News' parent company, 21st Century Fox, released a statement that ended Bill O'Reilly's run on the highest-rated show in the network's history and left a substantial portion of retirees with a hole in their lives between Wheel Of Fortune and bedtime.

By June of 2017, O'Reilly joined conservative joke thing Dennis Miller as part of "The Spin Stops Here Tour." During a segment Westbury, New York that couldn't possibly be interpreted as spin, Bill O'Reilly addressed the real reasons for his departure from Fox. These reasons, as you'd expect, were "pretty nasty," and "has to do with far-left progressive organizations that are bent on destroying anybody with whom they disagree, including the president." You know, the usual.

O'Reilly soon did his first TV interview since "leaving" Fox, with fellow great representative of the male gender Matt Lauer. During that interview, O'Reilly described his situation as "a hit job -- a political and financial hit job," and then said, "There are more things to come, alright?" Obviously, the man whose most entertaining contribution to society is the "Fuck it! We'll do it live!" outburst would make good on his now-multiple promises.

1

Tom Arnold Said He Had Damning, Unreleased Tapes Of Trump

In the summer of 2018, most people who even knew who comedian Tom Arnold was figured he had bought a metal detector and moved to Florida. But the former husband of Roseanne Barr and co-star of Madea's Witness Protection wasn't combing beaches for change and earrings. He was promoting a show on Viceland called The Hunt For The Trump Tapes With Tom Arnold.

The show teased a search for the elusive, supposedly damaging tapes of Trump that have been rumored to exist, but according to Arnold, the hunt was already over. In an even-more-jangly-than-usual interview with CNN's Poppy Harlow, Arnold was asked if he possessed "any tapes of the president that the public is not already aware of." He said, "Yes." So why were they devoting a TV show to hunting these secret tapes if they were already in Arnold's cabinet between The Dark Knight and Twister?

Arnold continued to oscillate in his chair and declared he was going to be in New York over the weekend, working with Trump's former personal attorney, Michael Cohen, whom Arnold said had tapes of the president. And in a bit of pro-wrestling-esque theatricality, he turned toward the camera and said, "You've disrespected him and his family, and there's a lot going on."