4 Celebrities Who Just Might be Superhero Alter-Egos
It's no secret at this point. Superheroes are real, and they're everywhere. You may not have noticed, because the media does a pretty good job of keeping things quiet, but the stars of your favorite comic books aren't made up, they are all portraits, (albeit, exaggerated ones), based on real people. It's true. Real people are getting into costumes to protect this planet, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm happy to say that it's my job (for some reason) to find out their secret identities. For my methods, I've tirelessly researched the histories behind 4 popular heroes and crosschecked some facts of their secret identities with well-known facts about public figures to come up with the likely candidates. Brace yourselves, sports fans, because I'm about to blow some of the most successful cover-ups in history wide open. Captain America
Lance Armstrong
Named "Greatest Fucking Athlete" by every magazine that ranks athletes, Armstrong possesses both the physical strength and the ability to kick ass in foreign countries that Marvel's Captain America practically bleeds. No, Lance Armstrong isn't bitchslapping a bunch of Nazis, but he is making a whole lot of French people look stupid year after year after year, (they fucking love biking), which is just as good if not better.Iron Man
Batman
Christian Bale
Okay, I know what you're thinking. No, it's not just because Bale plays Batman on screen, and it's not just because I happen to have a Texas-sized man-crush on him, (though, if you're reading this Bale, I think you and I would make excellent friends and we should hang out or whatever). He actually almost didn't make this list. Sure, he had a lot of the important qualities down- his status as a successful movie star provides him the wealth, he can kick some serious ass, and his well-documented activism is nothing if not reminiscent of Bruce Wayne's celebrated philanthropy and generosity- but Bale just didn't seem crazy enough to be Batman. Until recently, that is. Yesterday, July 22nd, Christian Bale was taken intoSpider-Man
Above: A young Kucinich with Bugle employee Robbie Robertson. His political career featured a strong focus on environmental renewal and clean energy, two causes that any self-respecting man of science would fight for. Further, his inability to carry a single state in the 2004 primary as well as the depressing failure that was his 2008 campaign, (MSNBC disinvited Kucinich from a presidential debate), prove that Kucinich is just as universally disliked as Spider-Man.