5 Employees Who Clearly Did Not Give a Damn

Oh, a giant sack of money I was supposed to be carrying? I’ll just leave that on the grass and go home
5 Employees Who Clearly Did Not Give a Damn

Many laidback workers pride themselves on giving exactly zero fucks. However, a recent government audit revealed that several of these workers give a countable number of fucks. Some give two, five or sometimes more fucks. 

The following workers, however, gave no fucks at all. They did not give a damn. In fact, we would go so far as to say that they did not even give a hoot. 

A TSA Guard Passed a Passenger a Note Reading, ‘You Ugly’

Many professions frown on employees hitting on customers. Other professions require employees to hit on customers. But let’s talk about the opposite of that: Employees insulting the personal appearance of customers. All professions would frown on this, if their employee ever do it, but employees generally don’t. Hitting on a customer at least might lead to sex (imagines the deluded employee), but insulting them serves no purpose at all.

In 2019, however, a New York man visiting the airport was surprised to receive a handwritten note from a female guard. “You ugly!!!” read the note. If the note had said “you cute,” that would have been inappropriate, especially if it were a prelude to being taken aside for a thorough pat-down. But “you ugly”? It was insulting of course, and also baffling. So what if he was ugly? Why tell him that? And why write a note telling him that? What was she hoping to get out of this encounter?


Our theory is she really was hitting on him, just through unorthodox means.

The man filed a complaint, and he received no response. Then he posted the note online, the story blew up and the TSA responded by firing the guard. We take that to mean the TSA investigated the complaint and found it was valid. We’re assuming they didn’t just fire the guard unjustly to bolster public opinion, in the way some badgered private company might, because the TSA has never cared about public opinion.

Two Cops Ignored a Robbery So They Could Play ‘Pokémon Go’

Back in 2017, a pair of LAPD officers received two different alerts regarding activity in their area. The first came over the police scanner and was about a robbery in progress at a nearby Macy’s, where officers in danger were requesting backup. The second was on their phones. They had Pokémon Go installed there, and there was a Snorlax in the vicinity. 

It’s a classic dilemma. Picture Batman being told that two people need saving in opposite ends of town, and he personally can speed to only one, leaving the other to blow up. Recordings captured the officers’ debate on the matter. “I don’t want to be his help,” said Officer Lozano, laughing. 

“It’s up to you,” responded Officer Mitchell after a bit. “Whatever you think. I don’t want them to think we’re not paying attention to the radio.” 

Screw it,” said Lozano. The men would spend the next 20 minutes in pursuit of both a Snorlax and a Togetic.

Pokémon Go Snorlax


Hold on, two perps? That changes the calculus dramatically. 

The officers were fired, a process that took about five years. This was hardly the worst offense LAPD officers ever committed, but it does hit the sweet spot of being shameful but not so shameful that the department felt the need to defend the men. 

An ATM Employee Casually Left Behind a Sack of $141,000

If you ever find yourself carrying a sack containing a hundred grand in cash, we figure that’d be the highlight of your whole day. You’ll probably take special care with the bag and will most likely not put it down without making note of what you’re doing. But if you refill ATMs for a living, you might start to feel a little more cavalier about money bags.

Consider the case of one New Jersey man, who worked for the clearly respectable company ATMForUs.com. He had a bag with him containing $141,000 in bills bound for an ATM. He set the bag on the grass outside then absentmindedly got into his van and drove away. 

via CBS

See, if a sketchy van promises treats, it might be telling the truth.

If the haul were in the form of a roll of sequential hundreds, perhaps whoever found it would consider the bills traceable and might feel compelled to turn them it. The bag actually contained only tens and twenties. Surveillance footage shows an unidentified man stumbling on the bag and driving away with it, presumably delighted by this gift from the universe. 

We don’t know how much ATMForUs.com pays its elite staff. But if they’re docking their guy’s pay to make up for the lost sum, we imagine he might be stuck doing deliveries for quite a while. 

One DMV Worker Slept for Hours Every Workday, for Four Years

We were joking earlier about government audits uncovering the truth about worker activity. But audits are a real thing and really do bring to light offenses we’d otherwise never hear. 

In 2018, the California State Auditor’s Office released a report highlighting a bunch of what they termed “improper government activity.” For example, one employee at a prison kept leaving early, adding up to 312 hours of missed work over the course of two years. And two employees at California State University kept leaving campus without authorization. It’s not terribly interesting stuff, and our biased loyalties tell us employees probably also did enough extra uncompensated work to make up for all this stolen time. 

But one employee at the Department of Motor Vehicles stands out. This worker missed 2,200 hours of work, simply by napping on the job every single day for four years. 


She worked at the Dream & Mattress Venue.

The audit’s summary raises more questions than it answers. Who was tracking her naptime so assiduously? Did they take any steps to intervene? Was the napper consistently named Employee of the Month, and if not, did the place have no sense of humor at all?

A Popeyes Employee Got a Little Indiscreet When It Came to His Drug Dealing

As recreational marijuana use gradually becomes more legal, people find it increasingly easy to buy the drug from legitimate vendors. Other customers, however, are still stuck having to buy theirs from Popeyes. 


We hear it’s quite the place to get baked. 

Last year, one enterprising Popeyes employee was found to be dealing to customers from his Texas restaurant. He worked the drive-thru, and when he found that a car smelled of weed (a fairly common occurrence), or when someone walked in similarly odorous, he’d pass his business card along so they could conduct some real business when the time was right.

None of that is really a matter for the national news, or for us to concern ourselves with today. Except, things escalated in September, when one of his customers went to the restroom with the 19-year-old employee for a purchase and tried to steal the man’s wares. The employee responded by shooting him seven times

He shot at the customer seven times – he didn’t actually manage to kill his target, and he apparently didn’t even hit him. Police charged the employee with shoddy aim, which is conduct unbefitting of a Popeyes franchise. 

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