Four Historic Landmarks Dirtbag Tourists Have Destroyed This Year Alone

As always, we really need to keep our eyes on the Germans
Four Historic Landmarks Dirtbag Tourists Have Destroyed This Year Alone

For some reason, whenever people leave their country of origin, they regress to their toddler years, screaming and smashing things and demanding bottles (albeit with different contents). It’s gotten to the point that popular destinations have begun regulating tourism with restrictions and fees, and it doesn’t help that you people can’t stop demolishing other cultures’ treasured landmarks. Why, just this year, people have destroyed…

An Enrico Butti Statue Worth $200,000

If a group of 17 influencers sounds scary to you, now imagine they all speak German. They allegedly proved that impression correct in August 2023, when the owner of a villa where they stayed in northern Italy claims they crumbled a 150-year-old Enrico Butti sculpture called Domina by climbing up to hug it and — seriously — poking it with a stick.

The Fountain of Neptune

A month later, another German tourist broke off a whole chunk of marble and scuffed up some more after climbing the 450-year-old Fountain of Neptune in Florence in an attempt at getting the all-important selfie, causing more than $5,000 in damage. Man, what is going on with Germany? Is there some beef with Italy we don’t know about? You guys were so tight back in the day.

The Stairway to Heaven

No, not the Zeppelin banger, which not even Jimmy Page’s creepiness can destroy. Hawaii’s Stairway to Heaven, or the Haʻikū Stairs, are a metal staircase in the Ko'olau mountains built by the Navy during World War II that led to a secret radio facility. It was closed to the public in 1987 because it turns out steep, slick metal stairs are dangerous to climb up in the windy mountains, but tons of people have continued to climb them illegally. It’s become such a liability for the local government that they recently began demolishing the stairs. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Ancient Rock Formations in Lake Mead

Also already this month, two men were caught on camera scaling an ancient formation at the Lake Mead National Recreation Area in Nevada and just… pushing the rocks off. Hurtling chunks of a federally protected cliff to the ground like water balloons on an enemy’s head. It was such a brazen, senseless act of destruction that it “almost feels like a personal attack” to the park’s public information officer, who dutifully informed the public that such offenses are potentially punishable with jail time. Imagine going to the big house for smashing rocks. Can you get laughed out of prison?

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