5 Nick Offerman Characters Who Ron Swanson Would Hate

But at least Swanson would appreciate Offerman’s taste in women
5 Nick Offerman Characters Who Ron Swanson Would Hate

We don’t expect that Ron Swanson, director of the Parks and Recreation Department in Pawnee, Indiana (at least for the majority of the show’s run), watches a lot of television. Frankly, between woodworking and side gigs as Duke Silver, who has the time? But if Swanson were to sign up for a half dozen streaming services, he wouldn’t be too fond of many of the characters played by Nick Offerman

Here are five Offerman creations in particular that seemed destined to offend Swanson’s sturdy libertarian sensibilities…

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

Forest in ‘Devs’

In case you haven’t heard, Ron Swanson hates technology. He’s horrified to learn that his computer not only knows his name but also stores information about his recent purchases. “So… it learns information about me?”

So yeah, Swanson wouldn’t have much use for Forest, the genius in charge of quantum computing company Amaya. Forest not only knows about the Vitamin B that people order from Amazon, but every moment of their lives, past, present and future. Swanson is definitely a free-will kind of guy. Forest? He’s more into predetermination. Swanson would probably strangle the guy except Forest would see it coming and have Ron killed first.

Don Fitzgerald in ‘We’re the Millers’

Ron Swanson hates the government, especially the specific breed of public officials who want to be up in everyone’s business. So he probably wouldn’t have much patience for Don Fitzgerald, a DEA agent who pretends to be a normal guy just so he can bust you for having fun in the privacy of your own RV. 

Deputy Chief Hardy in ‘21 Jump Street’

While Hardy and Swanson are both civil servants, they have decidedly different management styles. Swanson’s goal is to slow down the government, purposely making bad hires like April Ludgate and Andy Dwyer to gum up the works. Hardy is saddled with bad hires of his own, but he hopes to turn the inept Schmidt and Jenko into undercover agents capable of real results. It’s not hard to imagine Ron Swanson encouraging the two young cops to screw things up even more than they naturally would for the sake of systemic failure.

Coach Dove Porter in ‘A League of Their Own’

Amazon Studios

From professional sparring partner Leslie Knope to protege April Ludgate to all the Tammys he’s loved before, Ron Swanson loves and respects women. The same can’t be said for Casey “Dove” Porter, manager of the Rockford Peaches, an all-lady baseball team. While Dove can be nice enough to his players’ faces, he disparages them when their backs are turned. He’s also using them as a springboard to get back to playing with the guys. It’s an attitude Swanson could never respect.

Bill in ‘The Last of Us’

Survivalist and Home Depot fan Bill has an intense mistrust of the government and general misgivings about the human species as a whole. Wait a minute — Swanson wouldn’t hate Bill at all! In fact, are we sure Bill simply wasn’t an alternate-universe Ron Swanson all along?

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?