Ron Swanson is more than just a man's man, he's America's man. Every great sitcom should have a character that is all knowing and there to guide us when we feel lost, like Ron on Parks and Rec. Here are 15 pearls of wisdom from the mustache king to help you along your journey, traveler. 

On Canvas

Ron Swanson


“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

This is why I always bring a 12ftx12ft canvas sheet with me everywhere I go.

On American Rights

“The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.”

The fact that Ron wasn’t morbidly obese by the end of this show is massively impressive. Where is the scientific study of Ron Swanson's metabolic rate?

On Bowling

Ron Swanson canoe


“Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.”

Brian Boitano has been known to hook his bowling shots. (Brian Boitano is a figure skater)

On Burning Your Ex-Wife Effigy

“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”

I used to have another layer of skin before I tried to burn my last ex wife effigy.

On History

History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”

I think Ron Swanson and Jack Donaghy should have a beer.

On Teaching A Man To Fish

Ron Swanson


I’d love to get this response from all the people I've asked to give me a fish.

“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.”

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