Five ‘Seinfeld’ Episodes With the Wrong Title

Seriously, who chose ‘The Scofflaw’?
Five ‘Seinfeld’ Episodes With the Wrong Title

Getting a name right is tricky — just ask the parents of any woman named Mulva.

When it comes to titling episodes, Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld kept it simple – “The (Any Noun)” was their formula for success, and seldom did it steer them wrong. However, every now and then, that pivotal noun was frivolously chosen, leading to certain pages on the Seinfeld wiki bearing strange names that do not remotely reflect the biggest takeaways from the episodes in question. Whether it was a B-Story that trumped the main plot or some inconsequential MacGuffin being given top billing, sometimes you read an episode title and just think, “Wait, which one was that?”

Here are five Seinfeld episodes that deserved better titles…

‘Male Unbonding,’ Season 1, Episode 4

This one is a gimme for the simple fact that it’s the only episode in Seinfeld history to inexplicably eschew the “The.” Maybe if this was the pilot episode it would get a pass since most aspects of a sitcom are rarely fully-formed right out of the gate, but “Male Unbonding,” the story of Jerry’s attempts to unlink himself from an annoying childhood friend, somehow fails to hit the one-two punch that the previous three episodes pulled off perfectly. 

‘The Scofflaw,’ Season 6, Episode 13

Notwithstanding the fact that some Seinfeld fans (as in myself) had no idea what the hell the word “scofflaw” means, they really should have just called this one “The Toupee,” given the fact that George’s hairpiece steals the show in not just this episode, but the next one (after the clip show), “The Beard,” when Kramer sets him up on a blind date with a bald woman, enraging George in a classic Costanza hypocrisy plot. 

‘The Fusilli Jerry,’ Season 6, Episode 21

Fun fact: This is the only episode of Seinfeld ever named after an object that gets unintentionally shoved up Frank Costanza’s ass. Despite the absurdity of the climactic anal probe, as usual, the more interesting aspect of this episode was Kramer’s adventure of the week, which saw him getting his iconic vanity plate that read, “ASSMAN.” With no evidence to back it up, I theorize that the writers originally tried to call this one “The ASSMAN” before the wet-blanket censors at NBC told them to flush it.

‘The Doorman,’ Season 6, Episode 18

With all due respect for Jerry’s squabble with New York’s most unprofessional porter, this one really should have been titled “The Bro”... or “The Mansierre,” depending on whether you’re Team Kramer or Team Frank. The supportive undergarments for men are the true stars of this episode, and the lengths to which Jerry Stiller goes to sell the gag and the garments deserves to be recognized on the IMDb page.

‘The Strike,’ Season 9, Episode 10

Remember when it was revealed that Cosmo Kramer, after never being seen performing any kind of professional duties onscreen, was a bagel shop worker who had been on strike for 12 years? Vaguely? That’s probably because nobody gave a good goddamn about the plotline that ruined one of the show’s best running jokes because this was the episode that introduced freaking Festivus. I got a lotta problems with you Seinfeld writers, and now, you’re gonna hear about it!

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