‘The Simpsons’: Bart’s 9 Best Burns of Homer

Unlike Matt Groening, I do not condone a father fully strangling his 10-year-old son just because the boy cracked wise. But, then again, I’ve never had a son as scathing as Bart Simpson.

Over the past 34 seasons of The Simpsons, Homer has seen his Crayon-inhibited intellect challenged and overmatched by his two speaking children — and even Maggie, every now and then. Out of the entire Simpsons clan, Homer is the biggest butt of the joke, with his big butt a constant target for his son’s taunts that, more often than not, earn Bart a wringed neck and a few terrifying moments without access to oxygen.

Here are Bart’s top 10 burns on his old man in ascending order of their searing qualities…

9 When Mayflower Moe Is Engaged to Mayflower Marge: “I’m sure the way to win her heart is to be fat and crying.”

8 Homer: “It’s okay, in 18 months I’ll be out on good behavior.”
Bart: “We’re Simpsons, dad. We don’t do good behavior.”

7 Homer: “Marge, are you encouraging me to be irresponsible?”
Bart: “Why don’t you encourage him to get us some health insurance?”

6 Homer (As Henry VIII): “My beautiful boy, why can’t I have you?”
Dream Bart: “I don’t know, too much jerkin’ your merkin?”

5 Bart dressed as a ghost: “Oooh, I died when Homer sat on me!”

4 Homer: “You don’t have to follow in my footsteps.”
Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

3 Homer: “This job is the greatest, they’re paying me to eat!”
Bart: “Yeah, now if you can just get somebody to pay you for scratching your butt we’ll be on easy street.”

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‘The Simpsons’: Bart’s 9 Best Burns of Homer

9 When Mayflower Moe Is Engaged to Mayflower Marge: “I’m sure the way to win her heart is to be fat and crying.”

8 Homer: “It’s okay, in 18 months I’ll be out on good behavior.”
Bart: “We’re Simpsons, dad. We don’t do good behavior.”

7 Homer: “Marge, are you encouraging me to be irresponsible?”
Bart: “Why don’t you encourage him to get us some health insurance?”

6 Homer (As Henry VIII): “My beautiful boy, why can’t I have you?”
Dream Bart: “I don’t know, too much jerkin’ your merkin?”

5 Bart dressed as a ghost: “Oooh, I died when Homer sat on me!”

4 Homer: “You don’t have to follow in my footsteps.”
Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

3 Homer: “This job is the greatest, they’re paying me to eat!”
Bart: “Yeah, now if you can just get somebody to pay you for scratching your butt we’ll be on easy street.”

2 “Mom was right, your singing’s a sin, you’re as Les Misérables as Lee Marvin”

1 Mr. Burns: “Make yourselves at home”
Bart: “Hear that, Dad? You can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself.”

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‘The Simpsons’: Bart’s 9 Best Burns of Homer

9 When Mayflower Moe Is Engaged to Mayflower Marge: “I’m sure the way to win her heart is to be fat and crying.”

8 Homer: “It’s okay, in 18 months I’ll be out on good behavior.” Bart: “We’re Simpsons, dad. We don’t do good behavior.”

7 Homer: “Marge, are you encouraging me to be irresponsible?” Bart: “Why don’t you encourage him to get us some health insurance?”

6 Homer (As Henry VIII): “My beautiful boy, why can’t I have you?” Dream Bart: “I don’t know, too much jerkin’ your merkin?”

5 Bart dressed as a ghost: “Oooh, I died when Homer sat on me!”

4 Homer: “You don’t have to follow in my footsteps.” Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

3 Homer: “This job is the greatest, they’re paying me to eat!” Bart: “Yeah, now if you can just get somebody to pay you for scratching your butt we’ll be on easy street.”

2 “Mom was right, your singing’s a sin, you’re as Les Misérables as Lee Marvin”

1 Mr. Burns: “Make yourselves at home” Bart: “Hear that, Dad? You can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself.”

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8 Homer: “It’s okay, in 18 months I’ll be out on good behavior.”
Bart: “We’re Simpsons, dad. We don’t do good behavior.”

7 Homer: “Marge, are you encouraging me to be irresponsible?”
Bart: “Why don’t you encourage him to get us some health insurance?”

6 Homer (As Henry VIII): “My beautiful boy, why can’t I have you?”
Dream Bart: “I don’t know, too much jerkin’ your merkin?”

4 Homer: “You don’t have to follow in my footsteps.”
Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

3 Homer: “This job is the greatest, they’re paying me to eat!”
Bart: “Yeah, now if you can just get somebody to pay you for scratching your butt we’ll be on easy street.”

1 Mr. Burns: “Make yourselves at home”
Bart: “Hear that, Dad? You can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself.”