‘Grease Me Up Woman!’: ‘Simpsons’ Fans Select Their Favorite Groundskeeper Willie Moments

The Scotsman is a kilted comedy virtuoso
‘Grease Me Up Woman!’: ‘Simpsons’ Fans Select Their Favorite Groundskeeper Willie Moments

Even though the process of choosing the best quote from The Simpsons’ Groundskeeper Willie is decidedly more civil than an actual interaction with Groundskeeper Willie, I would never call the rugged Scotsman contentious — because I don’t want to make an enemy for life.

Willie is one of the Simpsons writers’ most reliable wild cards, sprinkling outrageous outbursts and wonderfully funny one-liners atop every episode that features him without demanding too much attention from the plotlines. Like so many Simpsons side characters, Willie started as an over-the-top ethnic stereotype and developed depth and complexity with each passing season alongside a constantly shifting backstory — on separate occasions, the Scotsman has claimed to hail from Glasgow, Kirkwall and the fittingly named North Kilttown.

Along with tying together the greatest “Treehouse of Horror” episode ever by getting axed in the back in each segment of “Treehouse V,” Willie has provided many of the memorable quotes in the history of The Simpsons, which we can’t help but read in his signature Scottish growl. Last week, the superfans of the Simpsons subreddit shared their favorite Willie quotes in a post titled, “Hit me with your favorite Willie moments.” 

Fair warning, some of these scenes hit harder than an ax to the back.

“Don’t be readin’ my mind between four and five. That’s Willie’s time!”

“Someone’s got ta save the wee turtles! AHH, SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES!”

“Grease me up, woman!”

“Now, turn to Chapter 1 of Math Safari.” – “But we’re already on Chapter 5” – “Then you’ll be teaching Willie!”

“Ach, doon toon!”

“Don’t feel bad for losin’. I was wrestlin wolves back when you were at your mother’s teat.”

“Bonjourrr! You cheese-eating surrender monkeys!”

“Willie hears ya. Willie don’t care.”

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