13 Dark Humor Jokes About Sex

13 Nikki Glaser on Having Sex With Someone for the First Time

“Have you ever had sober sex with someone for the first time? I don’t think it’s possible.”

12 Ms. Pat Discussing Sex in Your Middle-Age

“Middle-age women, please stop trying to compete with young girls; you’re not going to win. They can do shit we can’t do y’all. Like suck dick in the car while it’s still moving. If I did that shit, my vertigo would have gone fuck up, and I’d throw up on that dick.”

11 ‘Saturday Night Live’s Escorts

Hiring high-class sex workers requires some negotiation. Odd, odd negotiation.

10 Jen Kirkman’s Loves Those Digits

“I love fingering; it’s not just for kids. It’s like sugar cereal; adults can enjoy it, too.”

9 Wendell’s ‘Sex Addiction’ on ‘Key & Peele’

Wendell is really addicted to sex, y’all. I mean, for real.

8 Leslie Jones’ Advice for Twentysomethings

7 Anthony Jeselnik Finding His Parents’ Porn When He Was 12

“I found my dad’s porn in the back of the attic. That was a great day. But the worst day of my life was when I found my mom’s porn — in the back of the video store.”

6 ‘Saturday Night Live’s Sex-Ed Symposium by Sex Ed

This is just disturbing and a turnoff, which I guess is Sex Ed’s point. Who’s to say?

5 Chelsea Handler’s Hand-Me-Down

“I got some pretty bad news today from my gynecologist, who told me I got herpes from my vibrator. That’s the last time I’ll buy anything from eBay.”

4 John Leguizamo Discovers Masturbation

“I was about 12 years old when I first accidentally masturbated. ‘Cause I was just cleaning it, and it went off.”

3 ‘Key & Peele’s Sex Detective

Being the world’s best sex-crime detective is a curse, I tell you! An arousing curse!

2 Sarah Silverman’s Post-Sex Pillow Talk

1 Robin Williams on Pornography

“The definition of pornography is quite simple: Erotic is using a feather; pornography is using the entire chicken.”