The gist of which you bottle up instead of exposing yourself to the worst pillow talk of all time.
So after losing his virginity to a prostitute, "because I couldn't fucking stop it," he "started going out and having sex with anyone who would sleep with me -- which, when you're 15, is not a great idea. So what I would do is end up sleeping with a lot of older men." Did we mention he didn't identify as gay at the time? "I didn't want to. I could feel it shrieking in my head, 'I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS,' but it was almost like a dissociative state ... I was 21 before I said 'No' to someone I didn't want to sleep with."
To understand how this is different from simply having a high sex drive and poor impulse control, ask yourself: How hard up would you have to be to have sex with someone who isn't the slightest bit attractive to you, or even your preferred gender? But in a world full of people who are desperate to get laid, good luck getting anyone to feel sorry for you. As another source, Erica, says, "It would be multiple guys in one day or in the same week, or I'd be walking 20 minutes across town to give this guy a blowjob, and my friends thought it was funny, because it's like, 'Oh you have this harem of men.' I was never the one that they really wanted, so when they would leave, I would cry and do things like self-harm, and I felt so guilty and dirty. I don't even know why I kept doing it, but I did."
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When sex leaves you lonelier than when you started, you're officially doing it wrong.
Unlike pretty much every other kind of addict, the fun parts of sex -- that nice crotch-warming tingly feeling -- often have nothing to do with it. "There were plenty of times where I ended up having sex with somebody because I had to," says Brian Whitney, who has written multiple books centered around the theme of dysfunctional sexuality, which he is all too familiar with. "It wasn't about how badly I wanted to have sex with this person; it was just this ritual. There were plenty of times when I didn't want to have sex at all." And like with any other addiction, you can build up a tolerance, needing more and more merely to get back to baseline. "I would masturbate like four or five times a day, no matter how much sex I was having," Brian goes on. "We would have sex, and then they would wake up and catch me beating off like 20 minutes later."