The 12 Best Dark Humor Jokes About Money
They say the love of money is the root of all evil, and they’re right. So many lives have been altered for the worse due to a person needing cash or desiring more dough than they need. But this post isn’t a takedown of capitalism. It’s interesting to note how while money is the root of all evil, it’s also the root of a lot of dark humor. When the crushing burden of balancing the proverbial checkbook rears its ugly head, the no-cost solution is the free friend that always has our backs: Laughter.
To keep yourself from crying and distract yourself as you try to eke out a living, we’ve rounded up some quality dark humor regarding money...
Ronny Chieng on the Chinese God of Money
“Chinese people love money so much that we have a god of money! We pray to him — to get more money! Every day we go, ‘Hey, god of money, give us money!’ and he gives us money! Very fickle god; doesn’t care about inflation.”
Jim McDonald’s Weight-Loss Plan
“I realized that I’m not just a comedian; I’m a nonprofit organization.”
Russell Peters on His People
“Indian people, we’re proud of our cheapness. You walk up to an Indian:
‘You guys are cheap.’
‘Thank you for noticing.’
‘That guy called you cheap!’
‘No, no, no, he pronounced it ‘cheap,’ but what he was saying was ‘smart.’”
John Mulaney on His College Spending His 120K Tuition
“What kind of cokehead relative is my college? You spent it already? I gave you more money than the Civil War cost, and you fucking spent it already? Where’s my money?!”
Steve Byrne on Inflation
‘Saturday Night Live’s 39 Cents
‘Key & Peele’ on Money Counting
Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key dive into the question of how drug dealers count up their payments so quickly.
Whitney Cummings on Money’s Power Dynamics
Cummings discusses how she finally understands the entitlement men feel when they pay for their dates and girlfriends now that she pays for her boyfriend’s meals.
Kyle Kinane on Having More Money He’s Ever Had
“I have more money than I have ever had in my entire life right now. Before you get excited, it’s not a lot of money. I can confidently put a down payment on a 2009 Camry right now.”
Eddie Pepitone’s Daily Recrimination
As a way to demotivate you each day, Pepitone believes you should have an anti-daily affirmation such as “You owe people money!”
Ali Wong on Having Sex With a Female Millionaire
Daniel Tosh on Money Buying Happiness
“‘Money doesn’t buy happiness.’ Do you live in America? Because it buys a WaveRunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Try to frown on a WaveRunner. Of course, money buys happiness; have you seen a homeless person skip?”