The Best Dark Humor Jokes from Michael Che and Colin Jost on ‘Weekend Update’
Colin Jost and Michael Che have spent nearly a decade now manning the Weekend Update desk on Saturday Night Live. During that time, they’ve become particularly good at encouraging each other to do jokes that the other might not be able to get away with (and not just during their regular “joke swaps” either) — for no other reason than to feign shock and say, “I wouldn’t have said that.”
Not surprisingly then, these jokes have a tendency to get very dark. Few of them, though, can rival the darkness of the 15 bits below…
Jost on Guns and Monkeys
“A zoo in Atlanta will allow visitors to carry firearms. (Pulls out gun) So you wanna try laughing at me again, monkeys?”
Che on Vehicular Homicide
“A 102-year-old woman from New York who survived the 1918 Spanish Flu has now beat Coronavirus twice. But sadly, she was no match for my car.”
Jost on Medical Marvels
“A 20-year-old-woman in Bangladesh with two uteruses gave birth to twins 26 days after giving birth to her first child. This, according to her vagina’s suicide note.”
Che on Drastic Anti-COVID Measures
“Officials in Hong Kong announced that after some hamsters in a pet store tested positive for COVID, they had to kill more than 2,000 of the pets. Okay, but they didn't have to do it in front of the class.”
Jost on Kevin Spacey
“Kevin Spacey made his first public speaking appearance in five years where he thanked Italy’s National Cinema Museum for having the balls to invite him. He also asked, ‘Could I touch the balls?’ I’m kidding: He didn’t ask permission.”
Che on Child Labor
“A 220-karat diamond known as The Rock will become the largest white diamond ever auctioned off. Wow, 220 karats! I mean, can you imagine the size of the child who mined that?”
Jost on Uber Drivers
“A man in Virginia is being called the greatest Uber driver ever after he and his teenage passenger got stuck in a snowstorm, and he got a hotel room so she would be safe. Coincidentally, the worst Uber driver ever also brought his teenage passenger to a hotel room.”
Che on Presidential Assassination
“Jon Voight recently released a video claiming that Abraham Lincoln’s spirit was guiding Donald Trump — Hopefully not to a theater.”
Jost on Long Island
“A woman on Long Island discovered a diamond ring inside of a glove while trying it on in a department store. And because it was Long Island, it was still attached to a finger.”
Che on Black History Month
“In an effort to draw attention to National Breast Cancer Awareness Month in Minnesota, more than 10,000 bras were hooked together and hung from a crane. Well, I do not want to know how Minnesota celebrates Black History Month.”
Jost on the Arby’s Menu
“A genetic engineering company has announced plans to bring back the long extinct dodo bird — but only for a limited time at Arby’s.”
Che on Runaway Pets
“A four-foot-long alligator was discovered in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. So you can probably take down all those missing dog posters.”
Jost on Catholicism
“Some Catholics around the country are claiming religious exemption to the COVID vaccine because there’s nothing more Catholic than letting someone else die for your sins.”
Che on Michael Jackson
“This week marks the 40th anniversary of the classic Michael Jackson album Thriller. And say what you will about Michael Jackson, but he definitely had a huge effect on a lot of people’s childhoods.”
Jost on the NFL’s Myriad Hypocrisies
“It was announced that Idina Menzel will sing the national anthem at this year’s Super Bowl. Then she’ll sing ‘Let It Go’ as a tribute to the NFL’s domestic violence policy.”
