The Celebrities That Got It the Worst on ‘South Park’

17 Ye

In retrospect, South Park may not have gone far enough when it portrayed the artist formerly known as Kanye West as a narcissist with no connection to reality who becomes the only person in the world that doesn’t get a joke about “fish sticks” sounding like “fish dicks.” A follow-up of “and then he goes on the Alex Jones show to defend Hitler” sounds like something that should only happen in South Park, but nope, that's what we call reality now. Another episode gave him enough self-awareness to (eventually) admit that he was engaged to a hobbit, meaning that cartoon Ye is officially more reasonable than real-life Ye.

16 Carlos Mencia

Related to the above: When Mencia, in keeping with his famous modus operandi, steals the “fish sticks” joke and claims he invented it, Ye kidnaps and beats him up for ridiculing him. This prompts Mencia to admit that he’s “not actually funny” and “just takes jokes and repackages them with a Mexican accent,” on top of the bizarre unprompted admission that he’s got no “stick” of his own. Was he only saying that for sympathy? If so, it looks like it didn’t work since Ye ends the scene by decapitating Mencia with a bat. (Presumably, half of Mencia’s routine is now about Trey Parker getting decapitated by Jay-Z.)

15 Rob Schneider

An episode fittingly titled “The Biggest Douche in the Universe” frequently cuts to trailers for fake but plausible movies in which Schneider becomes a stapler, a carrot and da derp dee derp da teetley derpee derpee dumb. In the end, Schneider comes to South Park and becomes a Kenny, with everything that implies (read: he gets shot in the head and is impaled by a flagpole). Still, it has a more dignified ending than most of his movies.

14 Ben Affleck

When the boys get a photo of Kenny’s butt printed on milk cartons as if it was a missing child, they’re horrified to learn an actual butt-faced family says it looks just like their estranged son. The missing kid turns out to be Ben Affleck — or “Assfleck,” as Cartman wittily renames him. Speaking of Cartman, in a later episode, his hand had a torrid romance with Affleck when he was pretending that it was Jennifer Lopez. Obviously, Cartman’s hand wasn’t Jennifer Lopez: It was actually a con artist and ’Nam vet named Mitch Conner. Let’s not think too much about that.

13 Mel Gibson

South Park painted Gibson as a dangerous lunatic with nutty beliefs who is prone to violent outbursts and likes to run around in his underwear. The “running around in his underwear” part is really uncalled for, and they should apologize for it. (No, admitting he has a better handle on story structure than Michael Bay doesn’t count.)

12 Russell Crowe

Let’s be honest: If there was really a TV show where Crowe travels the world punching random people, we’d probably watch it. The real Crowe was surprisingly chill about the episode, as evidenced by the fact that Matt Stone and Trey Parker still have working legs. Still, it’s possible he just didn’t get to the part where his musical career caused his sentient boat sidekick to kill himself.

11 Bono

Stan solves the mystery of how Bono can do so much good and help so many people and still seem like a big piece of crap when he discovers that Bono is literally a big piece of crap. As in, he was pooped in 1960, and his “papa” was so proud of dropping such an enormous turd that he raised it as a boy. It’s an interesting theory, but everyone knows the actual explanation for this conundrum is, “Have you seen his sunglasses?” 

10 Caitlyn Jenner

Remember when Jenner had that fatal car accident? If you do, there’s a good chance it’s only because South Park spent two seasons reminding us. The show’s treatment of trans people has never been the most compassionate, but “Buckle up, Buckaroo!” is a great catchphrase.

9 Snooki

Was it sexist to depict Jersey Shore’s Snooki Polizzi as a dumber, more sexually promiscuous version of Jabba the Hutt’s pet rat monster? Maybe, but Snooki herself liked the episode so much that she started saying, “Snooki want smush smush” on Twitter as soon as it aired, so who are we to say?

8 Paris Hilton

This one was sexist as #$%@, though. This episode will legally qualify as a hate crime by 2030.

7 Rob Reiner

As part of his evil crusade to ban smoking, Reiner comes up with a plan that involves killing a child and convincing everyone that he died from inhaling secondhand smoke. Then again, that child is Cartman, so maybe the most objectionable parts here are the fat jokes and the fact that Reiner disintegrates into goo upon being poked.

6 Rosie O’Donnell

O’Donnell accidentally saves the day when a giant mutant creature that has absorbed Cartman tries to absorb her and dies from the resulting indigestion. This show sure loves murdering overweight celebrities (and Rob Schneider), huh?

5 Stevie Nicks

While Nicks herself has never appeared in the series, she still counts as one of the celebrities insulted by it thanks to the episode when the boys easily convince everyone that a random Afghan goat is the lead singer from Fleetwood Mac, leading to international concern when Al-Qaeda takes the goat hostage. At least she got off better than the other famous person in that episode — Osama bin Laden.

4 Rod Stewart

The most insulting part about the episode where Stewart is a wheelchair-bound mummy who constantly poops his pants? The fact that it aired 23 years ago. If you watched this when it first aired, you’re probably feeling a little bit like Mr. “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” right now. 

3 Michael Jackson

Like a Dragon Ball villain, Jackson has appeared in various forms — as a mustachioed South Park resident named “Mr. Jefferson,” as a spirit who possesses Kyle's little brother Ike and as a rogue hologram. The one constant is that he’s always extremely delusional about his current condition and always loves saying the word “ignorant.”

2 Tom Cruise

Despite all the homophobic jokes about Cruise “being in the closet,” “being a fudge packer” and “having Seamen on his back,” according to rumors, what really pissed off Cruise was the extended section making fun of what Scientologists believe by simply stating what Scientologists believe. Not cool, South Park. You crossed the line there.

1 Barbra Streisand

Streisand’s transformation into Mecha-Streisand and eventual destruction at the hands of The Cure's Robert Smith seems downright quaint compared to what the show has put other celebrities through since its first season. What makes her different is that, according to Stone and Parker, she’s the only celebrity they “truly hate.” Streisand’s comments about the show promoting “cynicism and negativity” among children only prompted more digs at her, like when they announced an episode would be presented in “Spookyvision” and just put pictures of her on the corners. They did, however, give her a cool theme song, so it’s not all bad.

Follow Maxwell Yezpitelok's heroic effort to read and comment on every '90s Superman comic at Superman86to99.tumblr.com. 

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