The Bloodiest Comedy Sketches Of All Time

(Content warning: The following story contains gruesome gore. And blood. Lots of it.)

Brendan Gleeson and Mikey Day continued a gory Saturday Night Live tradition a few weeks ago, swearing a blood oath that quickly gets out of hand. Could it be the bloodiest comedy sketch of all time? Well, gang, it’s up there.

Still here? That not-for-the-squeamish, blood-squirting-from-my-fist trick is practically an SNL tradition, going all the way back to the Dan Aykroyd days. This Julia Child sketch is “really a consummate Danny performance,” says Al Franken, who originally wrote the bit for Walther Mathau but they couldn’t get the blood hose working just right. “I mean, it’s live TV, and just the timing of the spurts, it’s beautiful. I was so admiring of that performance. It was in the right hands.”

OK, you bloodthirsty ghouls. Need a few more gory grins to get you through the most frightening time of the year? Here are more nominees for the bloodiest comedy sketches of all time.

’Tis But A Scratch - Monty Python

What are Monty Python movies but a series of sketches loosely held together by a “plot?” This classic from Monty Python and the Holy Grail demonstrates that it will take more than a few missing limbs to discourage the Black Knight. Fun fact: Penn and Teller created the special effects for the stage version.

Bloody Nips - Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

Other sketches technically may spill more hemoglobin, but Bloody Nips might qualify as the bit that looks the most painful. For all you chafing fans, this one’s for you.

The All-Drug Olympics - Saturday Night Live

We’re back to SNL with Phil Hartman demonstrating the effects of roided-out weightlifters pushing their bodies to the limit. Show us what you got, Sergei.

The Sarah Vaccine - Sarah Squirm

No list of the bloodiest sketches would be complete without the work of body-horror maestro Sarah Squirm. Here’s her creepy-comic response to Covid, a "technicolor nightmare of handmade DIY practical gore and sequins." The year 2020 and its accompanying dread of deadly disease sucked for everyone, she reasons, “so I was like, 'Aight, let's make this whole thing as physical and tangible as possible, while still maintaining the absurdity of the stupidest year ever."

Beheading Jennifer Aniston - The Edge

Hey 90s kids, remember The Edge, Fox’s sketch comedy show with an ‘edgy’ attitude? (With Aniston, Wayne “Newman” Knight, and Mr. Show’s Tom Kenney and Jill Talley, maybe you should.) The show featured a running gag where a cast member is murdered in each episode’s first sketch -- here’s Carol Rosenthal taking a bludgeon to the skull of Jennifer Aniston. Fun!

Acupuncture Gone Wrong - Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live is the undisputed heavyweight champion of bloody sketches, both planned and unplanned. In a 1976 Samurai Stockbroker sketch, John Belushi actually sliced open the forehead of Buck Henry with his sword. “It was really my fault; I leaned in at the wrong time,” confesses Henry. “And I bled all over the set. It was a very amusing moment. You would not believe how much blood from a forehead was on that floor.”

And the show hasn’t stopped bleeding since. Here’s Kristin Wiig and Aidy Bryant learning acupuncture the hard way, courtesy of a slowly draining Jason Sudeikis.

Violent Future - Wonder Showzen

Anarchic kids’ show parody Wonder Showzen would likely have been the most blood-soaked show on television if puppets could actually bleed. But there’s nothing stopping the public from pummeling those felt-fisted irritants.

Farm Film Report - SCTV

From Brooke Shields to the Village People to Dustin Hoffman, the hosts of Farm Film Report loved nothing better than detonating celebrities into oblivion. Big Jim McBob and Billy Sol Murok squeal like stuck pigs as Meryl Streep gets the “blowed up real good” treatment.

Psycho Clown - Key & Peele

Nothing irritates a psychotic jester more than hemorrhaging victims intent on looking on the bright side of their torture situation.

Blood Donor Saves Little Girl - Studio C

Looking for sheer volume of blood? This sketch, with buckets full of the sticky stuff, might be for you. (Surprisingly, it's from the family-friendly comedy kids over at BYUtv.) Watch now and get a complimentary bag of A-negative!

Free Pizza - Every Damn Sketch Show

Is there still free pizza in the conference room? Well, yeah, but you better hurry -- you know how people get when there’s free pizza.

Bloody Mary - Robot Chicken

Ghoulish childhood nightmare? You just got served.

Chad Horror Movie - Saturday Night Live

Last SNL entry, we promise. The charm of Pete Davidson’s Chad is his complete obliviousness to awkward social situations, even those involving John Mulaney as a bullied psycho wielding a chef’s carving knife. Lit.