Self-proclaimed older millennial Iliza Shlesinger has been around the block. With a baby daughter born earlier this year, her sixth Netflix special Hot Forever dropping this week, and a new book, All Things Aside, out later this month, she’s learned a thing or three about life. She’s got hard-earned wisdom about ugly bras, post-baby pandemic travels, and most importantly, how love works in America today.  And she thinks that romantically eager young men would benefit from hearing about it. 

It’s all out of the goodness of her heart, she says in a new Hot Forever bit. Guys under 30 just don’t get it, but that doesn’t mean Iliza isn’t on their side. “I’m on everyone’s side,” she confides. “I want everyone to do well.” That’s why she’s so insistent on sharing “the wisdom nuggets that girls have” while brains are still squishy enough to absorb the knowledge. Buckle up, here we go.

First, young men who convince young women to come back to their apartments get naked way too fast. Within in an instant of a girl agreeing to intimacy, guy pants are thrown aside faster than a quick-change artist on America’s Got Talent.

“You ready?”

Meanwhile, the uncomfortable young woman has barely begun taking off her overalls. Naked men trying to ease the awkwardness by offering a snack aren’t really helping.  “You want soup? I got a Cup O’ Soup in the car.”

Instead, Iliza suggests getting naked as a seductive dance. “I take off my blouse, you take off your blouse. I wonder why he’s wearing a blouse, whatever.”

Next, getting into bed. Or more accurately, the way men get into bed. “When you get in bed, it should be a simple motion,” suggests Iliza, demonstrating the simple “sit on the bed, lift up one leg, lift the other leg” technique employed by most humans. 

Unfortunately, she says, most young men are so excited about the prospect of sex that bed entry is done in a single hop -- Yippity-skippity! -- resulting in a curl that exposes the most sensitive spot of one’s undercarriage. “Don’t want to see that,” she warns. “That’s a lot to reckon with, OK?”

Finally, fellas, don’t expect your young woman to act what they see on TikTok. After all, TikTok dances don’t look so good naked with no filters and no soundtrack. “The dancing on TikTok was never sexy independent of the app of TikTok, OK?” says Iliza. If a guy saw one of those dances at a bar out on the dance floor? 

“You’d be like, ‘Oh no. I hope she gets home OK.’”

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Top image: Netflix

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