Wow, bet you never thought you’d be attracted to a cat. But the future is a strange place and we’re living in it and this cat… is sexy. It seems wild to think that the now ubiquitous, pop-culture juggernaut Fortnite has only been around since 2017. It’s ruined so many middle school exams by keeping kids up at night, so many family holidays because Trayson won’t get off the DAMN TV AND COME GIVE HIS GRANDMOTHER A HUG. And now, it’s ruined whatever tattered sexuality I have left. Because folks: this is one hot kitty. 

Epic Games

H-hi…

In Fortnite, players can earn or pay for cosmetic items that change the appearance of an item or character. These are usually (disgustingly) referred to as “skins”, but Fortnite calls them “outfits.” This buff cat outfit debuted in 2020 and the world was never the same. His name, inevitably, is Meowscles. His very first appearance in the byzantine, wacky land of Fortnite lore as an accomplice to a criminal mastermind (who was maybe plagiarized by Valorant). He’s a real cutie with who can’t resist a ball of yarn, loves getting head scritches, and can do more pull-ups than SEAL Team Six. Fortnite isn’t one of those games like Dungeons & Dragons or Warhammer or Magic: The Gathering where there are literally dozens of novels worth of literature tightly defining the game’s lore. Other prominent characters are a banana and Ariana Grande, so it’s chaos when it comes to what the heck is going on in the canon. We do know he’s six in cat years, which puts him in his early forties. He’s not all cat though, as we can see from his *sweats* pectoral muscles and *gulp* rippling abs. He’s also got a son, Kit. Here’s where the story gets murky. 

Epic Games

Please someone explain their deal to me.

Kit is a normal cat. Well, he drives a walking mech that can operate a shotgun, but other than that… pretty regular gatito. Meowscles has a tattoo on his bicep that says “Lynx”. Lynx is a human woman who has been around in the game since 2018. She loves kitties (so say we all) and even has a cat woman like outfit she often wears. In-game art has shown Lynx on a video call with Kit while he builds his robot. There’s also an image of Lynx in her studio with an image of Meowcles on a monitor. So, dear reader, the more we explain, the more questions we have. Is Lynx Kit’s mother as some think? Did she create Meowscles by combining her cat with humans and then turning that cat/human hybrid into a killing machine? And then have a son with her own cat? It’s ethically murky sure, but damn, who can resist those arms?

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