Felines are the only good thing in this world. Ok that’s an exaggeration, because video games also exist. What happens when you combine those two rays of pure serotonin sunshine? A glorious cat filled gamingverse, that’s what happens. Ubisoft, the powerhouse studio behind the Assassin’s Creed, Far Cry, Watch Dogs series, as well as tons of other great games, has a special history with man’s second best friend. The studio has a storied, if slightly mysterious tradition of putting “cat boats” in their games. These are Easter eggs players can stumble across in-game which consist of a boat… full of cats. Or cat statues. It’s a strange but delightful ode to the internet’s favorite animal. Ubisoft’s love affair with furry kitties doesn’t stop there though. They’ve put some fantastic Mr. Meowskers in their games and it’s time to do what any sane person does when presented with a list of similar but slightly different items: rank them.
The Maneki Neko Dolls
Now the name of this game is Watch Dogs 2, but it’s the cats who are watching you. A decidedly creepy Easter egg, some players came across an abandoned looking boat tucked away in a hidden corner. It’s full of Maneki Neko dolls, a symbol intended to welcome prosperity into a home or business. Someone lost a lot of luck with this shipment and left these freaky dolls to stare, blinking, into the ever flowing waters. Definitely too scary. Bottom of the list for you freaky deeks.
In Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 you can find a bunch of feline friends in a safe house available in the Warlords of New York expansion. The safe house is aptly called “Animal Shelter”. The cats there look scroungy af, so they’ve earned their place in the scratching order near the bottom of this extremely scientific list.
Dedicated Assassin’s Creed players love to talk about the games’ realism. A team of designers which predicted a hidden room in the pyramids should be able to create a realized world of Vikings right? RIGHT?! Well here’s a giant freaking lynx to ride on. You unlock this wacky mount in the Wrath of the Druids DLC and trading a period appropriate horse for a bigger than life cat feels… weird. When you meet with gods and monsters in the game, there are lore specific reasons the game goes out of its way to explain. Having the option to ride a lynx just feels unnecessary.
Far Cry Primal is a fan favorite in the series. There’s something so satisfying about relying on your wits and your surroundings. Something about taming the world and making it more fit for humanity to survive is so enjoyably, well… primal. You’ll feel a special bond with this prehistoric beast once you tame it and as one of the fastest animals in the game, riding it is pure joy. Unlike the lynx in Valhalla, this is a mount that makes sense.
The Only Cat In The World
Assassin’s Creed 3 is set, like many of Ubisoft’s games, in a time of political turmoil. We think of our current political situation as a total mess, but things must have been really bad back then because there was only one cat in the whole entire world. The team at Ubisoft recently revealed on their Twitter that there was only a single, solitary cat programmed into the game and it took up 24 kilobytes. That’s a big kitty.
Oluso is a big, magical kitty found in Far Cry 6. After completing a set of trials to prove your worthiness to the island of Yara itself, the land you seek to protect gifts you with some pretty freaking sweet loot. And the best companion in the game. She’s fast, she’s strong, she’s invisible. By the time you’ve sent Oluso to kill the traitors who oppress your people, they’re already dead. A mix of stealth and power make for a fantastic playthrough and with Oluso at your side, you’ll be killing Giancarlo Esposito in no time. (His in-game character anyways, please don’t hurt the real Gian Carlo, he is a treasure.)
Ubisoft / ZaFrostPet
This cat is not bred for battle. He’s not trying to soak his teeny paws in the blood of your foes. He’s trying to snuggle in and enjoy the ride. There’s a simple, short quest you can complete in Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, and you’ll get a fluffy white crew member to hang out on your longship. Real Vikings took cats with them on their journeys to keep their ships vermin free. And when he joined our crew… he took our hearts.