Ads On Netflix Are A Good Thing, Says Netflix
There is no bigger indicator that a company is about to take a big steaming dump on the consumers than when they issue a new press release explaining that they are offering something for the good of the consumers. It’s calculated financial gaslighting that hopes it can leave the dumbest customers spinning like the recipient of a brutal Ja Morant crossover. It tends to be a strategy employed when the company knows whatever they’re announcing is going to be received with all the warmth of a Minnesota winter. And this week’s magic bean seller is subscription video old guard and skydiving stock, Netflix.
This week, Netflix has announced that they’re adding ads to their service, which remained one of the few online video services without an ad-supported tier. Even the most unpopular/doomed subscription services may inform those unlucky enough to be emotionally invested in one of their exclusive shows that it’s going to be an additional five dollars a month to avoid 10 minutes of prescription medication advertising per episode. Yes, I’m talking about Paramount Plus, who are INCREDIBLY lucky that Evil is as good as it is.
Now, if you’ll read the release, you’ll see that Netflix is saying, oh, Netflix as it is won’t be changing, we’re just adding a cheaper subscription tier with advertising, all in the name of Consumer Choice. Consumer Choice, of course, being the silk glove every corporation slides onto the free hand of the market before it slaps the population in the mouth. The idea of keeping Netflix affordable for consumers would hold a lot more weight if they hadn’t just hiked their subscription prices $3 a piece less than a month ago. Let me guess, the new ad-supported price is going to be the old price? What a beautiful manipulation. It’s like watching a deft hand fold a piece of paper into an origami middle finger.
Every other streaming service has already stolen all your best shows while you’re throwing money at bad stand-up specials trying to capitalize on a comedy boom that ended 3 years ago. Now you’re going to try to get people to sit through ads to watch… uh… Umbrella Academy season 2? 3? A subscription to Netflix these days is pretty much just a subscription to a nice looking UI to scroll through.
Now bring back Mindhunter, you cowards.