5 Things About Vikings That We Get All Wrong

Unfortunately, thanks to centuries of misinformation in scholarly histories and in popular culture, most people suffer from a variety of misconceptions about the Vikings, from who they were to when they were active to what, exactly, they did.

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 11

As of this writing, Queen Elizabeth the Second is the oldest monarch in British history. That is impressive, being the oldest and crustiest example of a famously old and crusty bloodline. Though she may still totter around in bright pink easter outfits, it can be difficult to put into perspective just how long this monarch has been around–at this point, she’s an example of an antiquated ruling style that is herself, extremely antiquated. So, just for fun, let’s look at 15 things that are less old than the Queen.

Nylon

After years of development, the DuPont company debuted a brand new, revolutionary textile named nylon. This material would revolutionize the lives of the modern human, both through direct use and inspiration for further development. It also means the Queen is older than modern fishing line.

Ballpoint Pens

Just as a 5-year old Queen Elizabeth’s motor skills are developing to the point where writing would be possible, a brand new writing tool is invented. Laszlo Biro introduces the world’s first ballpoint pen at the Budapest International Fair. This same sort of pen would be used to sign whatever documents the Queen actually signs, which I think are mostly fake so that she feels like she’s doing something.

Bubble Gum

Pixabay

In the year 1928, the world’s first bubble gum, under the still existing brand Dubble Bubble, debuted, just in time for it to present itself as a major choking hazard to 2 year old Elizabeth and thus, a sugary threat to the throne.

Television

Queen Elizabeth was already one year old when John Baird first demonstrated a version of modern television in central London. Palace servants probably breathed a sigh of relief, seeing that there was soon to be a form of entertainment for the royal children that wasn’t “making them dance and fight for their amusement.”

FM Radio

When Edwin H. Armstrong invented FM radio in the year 1933, forever revolutionizing the broadcast of information, and allowing for high-fidelity audio transmission, Queen Elizabeth had already been on the Earth for 7 full years. 

Credit Cards

Smithsonian

The idea of the credit card wasn’t invented until 1950, with the introduction of the Diner’s Club card in New York City by Frank McNamara. At this point Queen Elizabeth was fully 24 years old. Not that the invention of the credit card would have affected her life at all, since the idea of personal debt never existed for her and I assume anything she ever wanted for she would pay for out of a small bag of precious rubies.

Sprite

If the Queen wanted to experience the cold refreshment of a Sprite, she would have to wait until the soda was invented by Fanta when she was 33 years old. Even now, she likely can’t enjoy one, as that amount of sugar will immediately stop her sputtering heart.

Quartz Clocks

You know someone is truly old as shit when they aren’t even done inventing clocks when they’re born. The first quartz-powered clock, a revolution in accurate timekeeping that would later revolutionize the watch industry and remains the most commonly seen system of timekeeping today is one year younger than her Majesty.

McDonald’s

Queen Elizabeth was already 14 years old when across the pond in San Bernadino, Maurice and Richard McDonald founded the restaurant that would later become the fast-food empire known and beloved to diners and people who do heroin in its’ bathrooms.

LSD

Should Queen Elizabeth have decided to have a rebellious phase in her teens, she would have to wait until at least the age of 12 for LSD to be synthesized by Albert Hofmann, and another 5 years for Hofmann to accidentally ingest a small amount and realize that the substance was EXTREMELY groovy.

Scotch Tape

Improbcat

Queen Elizabeth was born in the midst of the span of a few years that unfortunately no one refers to as the “Tape Age.” Masking tape may have beaten the young monarch by one year, but she’d be 4 years old by the time Scotch Tape would be invented.

Spraycans

Queen Elizabeth was 1 year old in 1927, when a Norwegian named Erik Rotheim patented a pressurized aerosol can capable of distributing its contents via a propellant. This same technology would later allow pissed-off citizens under the Queen’s rule to paint their dissatisfaction with her on the side of numerous buildings.

Synthetic Rubber

When Her Majesty was born, the world was still overwhelmingly reliant on natural rubber. Viable synthetic rubber wouldn’t go into widespread use and manufacture until the 1930s, spurred especially by the United States’ need for it in World War II.

The End Of Prohibition

Ok, so not exactly an invention, but it's still pretty insane that when the Queen was born, anyone currently living in the U.S. had been unable to have a legal alcoholic drink for 6 years, and it would be another 7 before they could quaff another cold one in polite company.

Top Image: Ministry of Defence/Public Domain

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Tags

Forgot Password?