5 Inexplicable Wiki Entries That Fans Put Too Much Time Into
Pop culture can be pretty tough to keep track of these days since there's more content than ever (and also more ways to obliterate brain cells than ever). Thankfully, for those of us struggling to remember, say, the name of Walter White's high school, or Buffy Summers' birthday, or the canonical status of Chewbacca's sadly neglected family, there are a multitude of fan-generated, Fandom-hosted Wikis full of carefully-calibrated encyclopedic info about … a bunch of made-up nonsense. Upon closer examination, though, some entries are far more baffling than others, such as …
A Detailed History Of Breasts In The Star Wars Universe
Star Wars fans can find nearly every detail about that galaxy far, far away (both canonical and not) over on Wookiepedia. Obviously, they have pages set up for Han Solo and Jabba the Hutt – but you can also read up about the surprisingly tragic life story of Space Denny's manager Dexter Jettster or the sabotage-heavy history of thermal exhaust ports.
Some Wookiepedia entries are much broader. Like for some reason, someone created a whole page under the heading "Breast" – breasts being an "anatomical feature" on "the human, Dowaaka, and Askajian species." The entry also notes the particularly "ample bosom" of a cantina employee from a recent novel, as well as the six-breasted alien who danced at Jabba's palace in Return of the Jedi.
It also notes that certain "adult beings displayed increased development of the chest muscles beneath their breasts," including Jedi like Kit Fisto and human males Anakin Skywalker and Kylo "I hope you paid extra for the 3D" Ren.
And that's just the "Canon" section. The "Legends" component is chock-full of information – including the detail that Jabba's dancer escaped from his palace with stolen jewelry "hidden between her lowest set of breasts" that she then used "to buy back her cublings" (which amazingly hasn't been made into a Disney+ limited series yet). You can also learn all about those horny droid-smiths who made curvy robot companions – but insanely, there's not a single goddamn word about Luke Skywalker's lactating sea monster friend.
Star Trek’s “Copulation” Page is a History of Space Sex
Memory Alpha is the immense digital repository of Star Trek minutiae – after all, where else can you find a rundown of the Ferengi "Rules of Acquisition" … other than in the official paperback that we obviously all own.
There are also a number of pages devoted to sex in the Star Trek universe – because what better place to learn about the birds and the bees than the same website that offers an extensive biography of Commander Data's pet cat? For starters, there's an entry all about "Copulation" as defined as the "type of personal encounter between the genitals of at least two individuals who may or may not have been in an intimate relationship" – which is kind of hard not to read in Spock's voice, to be honest. The page goes on to describe the sexual dalliances of everyone from Worf to Q, who, lest we forget, once mated via literal finger-banging.
That's not even the only awkward sex-based entry on Memory Alpha; there's also "Intimate Relationship," "Sexual Reproduction," and "Sexual Desire" – which somehow isn't just a single high-res jpeg of Commander Riker in this outfit:
Instead, it includes a list of some of the most horned-up moments in the franchise's history, including the time Dr. Beverly Crusher was seduced by her dead grandmother's Scottish ghost lover.
Although the word "Kirk" appears nowhere on this page, which … seems like an oversight.
The Entry For “Faeces” In The Harry Potter Wiki is … Informative
The "Wizarding World" of Harry Potter is full of spells, magical creatures, and … excrement, apparently. Yeah, if you want a low down on Potter poop, the Wiki has you covered. Weirdly, there isn't much discussion of how wizards historically defecated freely in public and used magic to cover up their stinky mess, but the entry for "Faeces" does have helpful info about dragon dung, which is a "powerful fertiliser in the field of Herbology." Similarly, the crap of the Mooncalf can "make any magical plant it was applied on to grow fast and strong" but "only if collected before sunrise."
It also reminds fans that Fred and George's shop, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, sold "U-No-Poo" (as in "you know who"), which is a "product designed to prevent the production of faeces in human beings." They even sell a version of this at Universal Studios' Wizarding World of Harry Potter, presumably for tourists who want to freely skip those long bathroom lines.
In context, this is basically like if someone in the 1940s marketed a humorous version of Imodium named after Hitler. And speaking of Harry Potter and Hitler …
The Harry Potter Wiki Will Teach You All About World War II
There are certainly a lot of places to learn about World War II -- Libraries, History Channel documentaries, most of the Indiana Jones movies. Also, it seems, even though the franchise's protagonist was born in 1980, the Harry Potter wiki. The "Second World War" page is all about the "Muggle military conflict that lasted from 1939 to 1945."
Why does this particular Wiki delve into what is clearly Hellboy Wiki territory? Because much of the Fantastic Beasts series involves the villain, Grindelwald, and his attempt to prevent World War II after he has a vision of "the Blitzkrieg, the Warsaw Uprising, the Holocaust, and the United States' deployment of the Atomic Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki," which he uses as a justification for his attack the Muggle world.
Thankfully, Grindelwald was thwarted by the heroic Dumbledore, ultimately allowing all of these devastating atrocities that killed millions to occur.
Donald Trump Has an Extensive MCU Page
Keeping a handle on the totality of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is a daunting prospect, what with all its movies, streaming series, and bunches of grocery store bananas. Thankfully the fans have you covered with a comprehensive Wiki cataloging all of the MCU heroes from Captain America, to Ant-Man, to former President Donald Trump … Wait, what?
Yup, the MCU page specifically mentions that our world’s Red Skull, Donald Trump, was also the President in the MCU as of 2016, replacing Matthew Ellis, who was the President in Iron Man 3, and presumably defeated President Obama, who also has an MCU wiki page.
Why? Well, it’s seemingly mostly based on some vague references to the 2016 election made in shows like Luke Cage and Runaways – both of which are considered part of the MCU. Which has led some fans, apparently, to infer that Trump was the unnamed President coordinating with Agent Coulson in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. which seems unlikely based on the fact that S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t paid in dump trucks full of soggy fast-food burgers.
Making this all the more confusing, because the MCU’s timeline is so wonky thanks to the time jump, Spider-Man: No Way Home likely takes place in November 2024 – meaning that a Presidential election was quietly happening in the background of that movie and never mentioned once. So keep a close eye on the next Ant-Man movie for clues about America’s political future, I guess.
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Top Image: Lucasfilm/Paramount