It's Time To Discuss That Gross 'Harry Potter' Revelation

In its continuing effort to make the Wizarding World seem like a hellhole you would never want to visit, J.K. Rowling's Pottermore website issued a controversial Tweet last week -- and by "controversial" we mean it grossed the hell out of the entire internet. To celebrate National Trivia Day, rather than regale us with some fun tidbits about one of Hagrid's pet monsters or Snape's secret drug lab, Pottermore cheerfully reminded us all that witches and wizards used to shit themselves, then use magic to make it disappear. Yay?

TwitterHarry Potter 2002: magical escapades! Harry Potter 2019: feces, simply everywhere.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Yup, it seems that up until the 18th century, the magical folk of the Potterverse just defecated freely, like animals or college freshmen. Not surprisingly, the internet reacted with collective revulsion. Of course, this was nothing new. It came from Rowling's article about the history of the Chamber of Secrets, which originally went up back in 2015. The article explains that the monster-filled tunnels predate the bathroom which housed the Chamber's hidden entrance. Apparently, when the wizarding community decided to stop pooping all over the floors, themselves, and each other, the Hogwarts bathrooms were installed. It was up to Slytherin descendant and Hogwarts student Corvinus Gaunt to protect the Chamber from discovery once plumbing was installed.

Warner Bros.Hogwarts is such a terribly run school that random creepy boys somehow got a say in planning a girls' bathroom.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Rowling's fecal bombshell raises a number of questions. For one, what about underage wizards who weren't allowed to use magic outside of school? Did their parents have to clean up after them? Well, as we all know, the "Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery" didn't come into effect until 1875, well after the Wizarding World embraced plumbing.

Perhaps more existentially perplexing is the issue of where all the poop went. When asked where vanished objects disappear to, Professor McGonagall answered that they go "Into nonbeing, which is to say, everything" -- possibly inferring that millennia's worth of wizard shit has been absorbed into the Universe itself. Which is either beautiful, gross, or both. At the very least, you have to imagine that the majestic halls of Hogwarts smell a lot less fresh than we would have liked to imagine. Though the most dire consequence of all this may fall on the janitorial staff of Universal Studios, whose patrons now have canonical justification for making a public mess after one too many butterbeers.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

If you loved this article and want more content like this, consider a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out And Now, Some Controversial Opinions About 'Space Jam' and The Real Golden Globe Winner: Melissa McCarthy's Sandwiches.

The first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR is coming to a city near (some of) you this spring! Tickets on sale now for Chicago IL (April 11th) and St. Paul MN (April 12th).

You should follow us on Facebook, Harry.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

59 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Famous Old Movies That Now Look Painfully Stupid In 2019

The flow of time is cruel to us all.

193

6 Insanely Complex Pop Culture Mysteries Solved By Fans

Some particularly obsessed fans sacrifice huge amounts of time and effort to come up with answers so we can all sleep a little better at night.

67

6 Utterly Insane Movie Moments Everybody Forgets Exist

Lots of people forgot these movie moments ... but, like, how?

156

5 Cute Easter Eggs That Turned Into Huge Disasters

Rarely does an Easter egg shatter your hold on reality ... but these just might.

79

6 Classic Films That Almost Turned Out Terrible

Let us gaze into the parallel realities where these famous movies are really just infamously terrible.

161

6 Directors Who Use The Same Weird Scene In Every Movie

You'll never unsee these unusual tics.

70