History’s Horniest King

Alfonso XIII of Spain had endless affairs, tons of illegitimate children (in addition to seven with his wife) and a sideline in commissioning pornography for his own private consumption

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5 Comedians Who Killed Their Commencement Speeches

5 Comedians Who Killed Their Commencement Speeches

Congratulations, graduate!  After four five-and-a-half years of moderately hard work, you’re ready to venture out into the world of long hours and disappointing pay. But before you do, we’re going to have a ceremony with a fancy speaker to inspire the next 40 years of your working life.  Ladies and gentlemen -- ex-Navy Seal Admiral William H. McKraven!

Actually, we wouldn’t wish that on our worst lab partner. When it comes to commencement speeches, always book a comedian.  Here are five examples that prove commencement speeches are always better when delivered by a comedy professional.

Will Ferrell

USC grad Ferrell returned to his alma mater in 2017 to deliver the goods. What graduate wouldn’t be inspired by these words?

“Today I have also received an honorary doctorate. I’ve been informed that I can now perform minimally invasive surgery at any time or any place, even if people don’t want it. In fact, I am legally obligated to perform minor surgery at the end of today’s ceremonies, or my doctor’s degree will be revoked.”

“If I could give my 21-year-old self any advice, it would be take as many bikini photos as you can now because your body is smokin’ hot. And it will not be this bangin’ after childbirth.”

“I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps.”

"The biggest reason we Tischies chose the arts is because we literally can't do anything else. What was I gonna do, become an investment banker? I can't even find my wallet three times a week."

“Life is like a heist that requires good drivers, an explosives expert, a hot girl who doubles as a master of disguise, and this is a hard and fast rule: if the Rock shows up, they’re on to you.”

Whether you're graduating this year or not, that’s a lesson we all can learn from.

For more ComedyNerd, be sure to check out:

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Will Dave Chappelle and Ricky Gervais Have their Eddie Murphy Moment?

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