5 Comedians Who Killed Their Commencement Speeches
Congratulations, graduate! After
four five-and-a-half years of moderately hard work, you’re ready to venture out into the world of long hours and disappointing pay. But before you do, we’re going to have a ceremony with a fancy speaker to inspire the next 40 years of your working life. Ladies and gentlemen -- ex-Navy Seal Admiral William H. McKraven!
Actually, we wouldn’t wish that on our worst lab partner. When it comes to commencement speeches, always book a comedian. Here are five examples that prove commencement speeches are always better when delivered by a comedy professional.
USC grad Ferrell returned to his alma mater in 2017 to deliver the goods. What graduate wouldn’t be inspired by these words?
“Today I have also received an honorary doctorate. I’ve been informed that I can now perform minimally invasive surgery at any time or any place, even if people don’t want it. In fact, I am legally obligated to perform minor surgery at the end of today’s ceremonies, or my doctor’s degree will be revoked.”
In her 2015 address to the graduates of Tulane University, Rudolph delivered this sage advice to the young people of the world:
“If I could give my 21-year-old self any advice, it would be take as many bikini photos as you can now because your body is smokin’ hot. And it will not be this bangin’ after childbirth.”
The Daily Show legend and William and Mary’s alum returned to his alma mater in 2004 to offer these words of encouragement:
“I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps.”
The Sandman recently delivered the commencement address at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. He proved to the graduating seniors that he remembers why they all chose the school.
"The biggest reason we Tischies chose the arts is because we literally can't do anything else. What was I gonna do, become an investment banker? I can't even find my wallet three times a week."
Related: Is Adam Sandler The New Ernest?
Poehler showed up at Harvard University in 2011 to share some hard-earned wisdom:
“Life is like a heist that requires good drivers, an explosives expert, a hot girl who doubles as a master of disguise, and this is a hard and fast rule: if the Rock shows up, they’re on to you.”
Whether you're graduating this year or not, that’s a lesson we all can learn from.
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Top image: USC YouTube