The B-Movie Gimmick From The '60s (That We Want Back)

We’ve discussed William Castle here at Cracked, the all-time king of horror movie gimmicks. And among all his contrivances to get butts in theater seats to watch B-grade schlock, there's a particularly clever one used in one of his ‘best’ movies, Homicidal.

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 1

Assassin’s Creed games are about a secret order of assassins dedicated to safeguarding free will from the evil Templars who secretly rule society… right? WRONG. It’s about ancient, glowing, magical protohumans bruh. We’re here to break down some of the most out-of-left-field lore in gaming. Grab your hidden blades and pull up that hood, it’s going to be a very strange ride.

Assassin's creed black flag pirate

Ubisoft

Assassin's Creed: great series, acid trip level lore.

You know that show Ancient Aliens, where almost all prehistoric and great ancient achievements are attributed to advanced, powerful beings? It’s basically that. Except the beings didn’t come from the stars, they lived right here on Earth. They are called the Isu and according to AC lore, they were pretty dang smart. They were taller than humans, smarter than humans, and hotter than humans. The chads of the ancient world. They were also total dicks. 

Isu lore explained

Ubisoft

An Isu projection. She's totally ancient and totally hot.

The Isu created humanity to be subservient, docile helpers in their hyper advanced, technological society. Assassin’s Creed games usually have some overarching plot involving a  magic macguffin, usually a weapon of some kind, that the hero or modern day avatar has to find. The Pieces of Eden, as they’re called, are hyper powerful artifacts created by the Isu in order to control humanity through hidden neurotransmitters in our brains. Cool, checks out.

But you know humans won’t stand to be oppressed for long. Humanity (led by two folks you might have heard of, Adam and Eve) rose up and began a decade long war with their tall, hot Isu overlords. A massively destructive solar flare called The Great Catastrophe put an end to the war and most of the Isu. The remaining few went to war amongst themselves over whether to help humanity and how to stop another cataclysm from occurring. 

eve and the apple assassins creed

Ubisoft

Eve with an Apple of Eden. Don't eat it! It's techno magic!

Their society and the reason for human creation became the stuff of legend, and the technological wonders/plot devices known as Pieces of Eden became scattered throughout the world. In the series, the powerful artifacts are responsible for events like Jesus’ miracles and parting the Red Sea. 

anubis

Ubisoft

Gods? Oh you mean the hyper intelligent tall folk who predated humanity?

It’s wild stuff! For a game that on its surface is about crouching in bushes and trying to find some cool armor, the convoluted, truly bananas backstory underpinning the series makes every game just a little more wacky, and more fun.  

 

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Tags

Forgot Password?