Beekeeping Hasn’t Changed in Nearly 200 Years
We still harvest bee puke from little boxes
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- By Ryan Menezes
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2
2 15 Studies That Prove Scientists Truly Are Mad
There are PhDs out there doing things a normal person could never nightmare of.
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30 Surprising Facts About Nature For Those Of Us That Stay Inside
I'd rather learn about nature from a screen.
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- By Cracked Writers, Brian C. Miller
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15 Parody Films With Legitimately Badass Moments
Bad-ass movies deserve bad-ass parodies.
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In Praise of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Comedy Chops
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Amanda Mannen
Ahhh, the time of unattractive hats and celebrity sex tapes. The 2000s were what happens when you think the world is going to end and then it doesn’t and you just looks stupid standing around in your low-cut jeans, when technology advances by light years but no one is cool enough to handle it. It’s no wonder no one really knew what to say, but they tried. Oh, they tried.
“Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem ft. Rihanna
“Now you get to watch her leave out the window/Guess that's why they call it window pane”
Yep, Eminem just dropped a dad joke in a song about domestic violence.
Related: Why Eminem Needs to Find Something New to Rap About
“Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira
“Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/So you don't confuse them with mountains”
Was that a risk? Also, are big boobs inherently proud?
Related: 14 Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
“All These Things That I’ve Done” by the Killers
“I got soul, but I’m not a soldier”
This song is apparently about former MTV VJ Matt Pinfield and his work mentoring vets. That doesn’t make this line less stupid.
Related: 22 Facts About Movies About Serial Killers
“In Da Club” by 50 Cent
“Look, mami, I got the X if you into takin' drugs”
Who says “taking drugs”? This just makes him sound like a cop.
Related: 9 Inventions that Prove Leonardo da Vinci Was a Supervillain
“Drops of Jupiter” by Train
“Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?”
One of these things is philosophically opposite of the others. There’s also something about a soy latte later that we just can’t even get into.
Related: With Jupiter Passing So Close To Earth, It's Time To Attack
“Hey, Soul Sister” by Train
“So gangsta, I’m so thug”
Honestly, Train’s whole catalog is, well, a wreck, but no middle-aged white guy should be allowed to describe himself as “thug” unless he’s literally Al Capone.
Related: The Sanderson Sisters Are Back In New
“All Summer Long” by Kid Rock
“We were trying different things/We were smoking funny things”
He rhymed “things” with “things”! As if it wasn’t bad enough that he ruined two great songs.
Related: 6 Insane Summer Camps That Will Make You Wish You Were a Kid
“She Bangs” by Ricky Martin
“She bangs, she bangs/Oh, baby, when she moves, she moves/I go crazy 'cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee/Like every girl in history”
We took a poll of the entire world, and no one knows what “bangs” is supposed to mean in this context. Also, there were surely some girls in history who looked like weeds and minded their own business.
Related: George R. R. Martin is Just Spoiling His Own Books Now
“St. Anger” by Metallica
“I’m madly in anger with you”
Aside from the fact that some middle-aged guy clearly thought he was very clever by flipping this particular script, that’s not really how those words work. Maybe you’re in hate, but this is like saying you’re “madly in horniness” with someone.
Related: 6 Clown Problems Twitch Inflicted On Itself
“Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit
“I hope you know I pack a chainsaw”
2000s tough guys had a weird habit of comically overselling their danger. Like, yeah, we would know if you packed a chainsaw, Mr. Durst. It would be extremely visible.
Related: 5 Crazy True 9/11 Stories You've Never Heard Before
“Complicated” by Avril Lavigne
“Take off all your preppy clothes”
Ironically, only complete dorks used “preppy” in a derogatory sense past, oh, about 1995.
Related: I Guess Someone Had To Turn Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" Into A Movie
“My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas
“Mix your milk with my cocoa puffs/Milky, milky cocoa”
It’s clear what he’s going for on a symbolic level, but it’s also a visual no one wants.
Related: The 5 Most Famous Musicians Who Are Thieving Bastards
“Vertigo” by U2
“Uno, dos, tres, catorce!”
For the non–Spanish speakers, that’s “One, two, three, fourteen!” It’s dumb in any language.
Related: 5 Huge Crazy Feuds You Had No Clue Were Happening Right Now
“S.E.X.” by Nickelback
“Sex is always the answer/It's never a question 'cause the answer's yes”
Chad Nickelback says a lot of weird things, but this is a straight-up contradiction. It’s also something your teenage boyfriend would say to look cool.
Related: 6 Famous People Who Hilariously Trolled Their Own Fans
“Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys
“She’s just a girl/And she’s on fire”
In case anyone wasn’t sure based on the title of the song and the repeated refrain that “this girl is on fire,” Alicia Keys wants to make it very clear that there is a girl, and the girl is on fire. Honestly, we’re not even mad. We just have a few more questions: Is she a girl? And is she on fire?
Top image: Columbia Records/YouTube
Related: My Ill-Fated Attempt to Save a 'Suicide Girl'
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