What better villain origin story than one over 30 years in the making? Ever played a video game with SIM in its name? Thank Will Wright for it. Wright's responsible for the creation of SimCitySimEarthSimLife, and even SimAnt. Okay, we totally made up SimAnt.

Maxis, EA

Oh … at least we thought we did

But, most importantly, he created The Sims, which revolutionized the gaming world by allowing players to escape the inherent fun of the medium to instead simulate a mundane existence. Players' continued inability to find a proper real-life alternative caused the house-chore simulator series to sell over 200 goddamn million copies. This prompted Wright to create an Ark of the Covenant capable of accommodating his ego. He called it Spore, a "Universe simulator" where one could simulate life itself. 

Spore allowed players to create life forms then see them evolve until they took over the game universe -- we think, because no one ever found out, as Spore's character-building tech was so fun, players never cared to go beyond creating penis-monsters.

However, just this one time, it was less about players' penile obsession and more about how the game failed to live up to Wright's vision. While the character creation was awesome, the rest of the game was lackluster. Spore died out very quickly, and Wright then dedicated his life to creating combat robots, as one does.

Chiabot by Will and Cassidy Wright

It'd be pretty cool to see this up against most of Spore's creations

The greatness of Will Wright is that one would expect this to mark the end of his villain origin story, but that was merely his vacation. Wright has just announced his planned return to video games, and boy does it sound like an absolute nightmare.

We present to you Proxi, a project that, by looks and appearances, feels like an NFT market posing as a gameProxi sells itself as a game where players will use NFTs to shape their memories and express their memories, then has players tainting their memories and crushing their dreams by having them buy and sell said NFTs to play. You can already preorder the game and even buy NFT packs which will enhance your experience. Think of them as DLC packs that, instead of ruining the gaming ecosystem, will ruin that as well as our actual ecosystem.

Gallium Studios

It'd be a shame if all of our memories were to be dick-shaped

Wright's thought process seems to have been "Well, the coolest and most ambitious idea just flopped, so what could I come up with that works? Well, what about the worst idea?

Maxis, EA

oh yeah, time is a flat circle

It's just as the movie goes, "You either die a hero or click continue to become an e-snake oil salesman."

Top Image: EA

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Get your weekend viewing recommendation every Friday. Subscribe now!

Forgot Password?