The Last Article About Captain America's Politics; We Swear

We want off the merry-go-round, please.
The Last Article About Captain America's Politics; We Swear

You know how every year or so, Fox News and other media outlets talk about the "War On Christmas" even though it's fabricated outrage? Christmas will never be canceled or be less popular. It just won't. "Happy Holidays" is a greeting of polite inclusion at best. While the Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and other winter holidays should be celebrated and highlighted, they are not going to topple the capitalistic white Christian-led juggernaut personified by a fat guy with a Coca-Cola problem. If the coronavirus couldn't kill Christmas, nothing can. There has never been a threat against Christmas. The Grinch couldn't even STEAL Christmas, much less kill the damn thing.

The same can be said with Captain America. Every few years or so, the right-winged media takes a "Not MY Captain America!" stance whenever Marvel allows Cap to do things that don't follow their form of patriotism or propaganda.

Here's what I'm talking about:

Marvel Comics

“Nothing cleans the shield better than a sponge, hot water, Dawn Ultra, and harsh truths.”

These comic panels were lifted from The United States of Captain America #1 and the conservative paper The Washington Times ran with it, reporting about the controversy of the precious patriotic Cap now believes the American dream to be the "American lie." Similar pieces went around discussing this "scandal" and conservatives "disowning" Captain America for making even the slightest critique or mention that the good ol' U.S. of A is more of an "it's complicated" ol' U.S. of A. 

This gives Fox News and other such media conglomerates an excuse to have a "comedian pundit" like this one puke up tired conservative talking points because they couldn't book the actual Dennis Miller, but the CVS toy aisle version of him was available.

There's a 70% chance this guy is moving to Austin, TX, an 80% chance his next comedy album's working title is "Triggered," and a 100% chance none of you know or care about who he is.

I'm not going to go point by point to counter-argue everything Loftus said because it's clear he doesn't even believe in what he is spewing, but Captain America was always "Captain Propaganda," as he put it. The first image anyone saw of Captain America was turning the fascist face of Adolf Hitler into a pile of ham with teeth. That was 10 months before the U.S. officially fought in World War II.

Marvel Comics

This funny book kills fascists!

He’s also been used for PSAs, aside from the once-popular meme.

Huge waste of a debut for The Wattage Waster.

Secondly, comic book nerds like me particularly eye-rolled at "Did I miss an issue where he was kidnapped by liberal arts professors?" since when Steve Rogers isn't fighting a guy that could hug him to deatha floating head that has their own Hulu series, or a literal clone of Hitler, he's made his living as a commercial and comic book artist!

Marvel Comics

This is the only relatable thing that connects Steve Rogers to Cracked writers.

And criticizing the country he loved so dear and withdrawing from it when it clashed with his idea of patriotism? This isn’t a new thing. Cap did that.


Marvel Comics


Marvel Comics


Marvel Comics


Marvel Comics

But you already knew all of this. You already read about the time Captain America fought Nixon and everything. You also read about how the Washington Times article is trash because they cherry-picked the panel and didn't look at the hopeful, pro-American parts within that same issue.

Why? Well, because the entire media spectrum loves to rehash points of Captain America's politics over and over to the point that it has become clickbait. I am well aware of the hypocrisy, as this article is one among them. This entire thing was fabricated from the start, like "The War On Christmas." So let's just stop.

I get the irony of this, as this is an article about Cap's patriotism/politics asking to stop making articles about Cap's patriotism/politics, but the hope is that this is the last f**king one. After this is published, let's stop re-reading what we nerds already know, plant ourselves like trees beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world of American nationalists that want to fudge their "Cap will drink-the-red-white-and-blue Kool-Aid no matter what" history onto this character -- "NO, YOU MOVE."

Okay, that last bit doesn't make sense, but you know what I was going for. Questioning and re-evaluating your patriotism is good and helps forge it into something even better. Being blindly loyal to your nation is bad, and the Captain America character just doesn't do that. End of this goddamn article and this f**king debate, please.

Top Image: Marvel Studios


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