The Man Who Was Killed By His Own Beard

A 16th-century Dutch mayor named Hans Staininger had the most magnificent face full of whiskers the world had ever seen — a hirsute magnificence that ultimately proved to be his undoing

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Petition Demanding Amazon's Jeff Bezos Be Banned From Returning To Earth After Space Flight Garners Nearly 50,000 Signatures


Bad news for the roughly 11,500 people who backed the viral petition insisting billionaire Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos purchase and eat the Mona Lisa – another Bezos-centric petition has recently emerged to much fanfare, one that if realized, will render our already unattainable da Vinci-snacking dreams somehow even more far-fetched.

On July 20, the longtime “Stonks” man cosplayer will shoot into space on a definitely-not-dick-shaped rocket as a part of the first-ever passenger flight of his aerospace company, Blue Origin, an extravagant show of wealth – and if some haters get their way, Icarus-style hubris. Yet many billionaire skeptics are taking advantage of Bezos's space adventure, demanding that the entrepreneur remain forcibly stranded in the stratosphere unable to return to the planet his e-commerce company may be destroying, launching a wildly popular petition entitled “Do not allow Jeff Bezos to return to Earth."

"Billionaire's should not exist...on earth, or in space," reads the initiative's description. “But should they decide the latter they should stay there." Since its emergence roughly two weeks ago, the petition has quickly gone viral, garnering more than 45,000 signatures – less than 5,000 away from its goal of amassing 50,000 supporters. “Off-brand Bond villains need to stay in space where they belong,” wrote one backer, detailing their reason for endorsing the movement. “Goodbye jeff,” added another. 

While it's unclear who, exactly will enforce if and/or how the entrepreneur is allowed to re-enter the atmosphere, making such a ruling tricky to carry out, even with the pressures of 45,000 people, it seems there may be hope that Bezos's 11-minute journey into space could perhaps catalyze a positive change within the exec.

 “If you see the Earth from space, it changes you,” he explained in a video shared on Instagram detailing what his first trip to the stars means to him. “It changes your relationship with this planet, with humanity. It's one Earth.”

So although we may be unable to insist that the Dr. Evil wannabe stays floating in space for the rest of his days, at least we can wish that seeing our one planet from above will help him maybe understand why ecological preservation and proper working conditions actually matter. Hell, if the Grinch can change his ways, there's still hope for Bezos, right? 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

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